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More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v.1

More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v. 1
In the salad days, myriads of people relying on cars as a mode of transportation. A sea change has been witnessed that no people practice personal car before. In this essay, we would elucidate some complication which occurs due to over dependence on cars along with a handful of remedial measures. TRAN To commence with, there are myriads of trouble generate due to excess usage of cars. First and foremost is a health problem as people more depend on the car, so it reduces the physical activities. Thus, recently the dispute of obesity day by day increasing. Secondly, excess of everything is bad! Similarly, over handling of four wheeler is harmed as it increases the pollution. If the number of cars in increasing definitely effect the environment. It affects the health as well as the surrounding. Moreover, the problem of traffic jam is also increasing. I would like to quote an epitome that a survey conducted last year by Times of India newspaper regarding to finding the reason why traffic jam is increasing so result shows that everyone prefer their own ride which had a profound impact on traffic as rising the number of cars. Undoubtedly, ever lock has a key! Similarly, every complication has some solution. Firstly, if people use shared ride, then the number of cars fallen on the road which is good for the environment as well as for us. Secondly, bureaucrats introduced some campaigns to educate the people about the disadvantage of fully depend upon the car and aware them about the health problem they suffer if the used cars in excess. To recapitulate, I would like to infer that government and individual both go hand in hand, they put their best feet forward together in order to curb the menace. Using own personal ride has a lot of detrimental impact.
In the salad days, myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as a mode of transportation. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
practice personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this essay, we would elucidate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complication which occurs due to over dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
along with a handful of remedial measures.

TRAN

To commence with, there are myriads of trouble generate due to excess usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
First
and foremost is a health problem as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the physical activities.
Thus
, recently the dispute of obesity day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
.
Secondly
, excess of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
!
Similarly
, over handling of four
Possible agreement error. The noun 'wheeler' seems to be countable, so consider using: "wheelers".
wheeler
is harmed
as it increases the pollution.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
definitely effect the environment. It affects the health
as well
as the surrounding.
Moreover
, the problem of traffic jam is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
. I would like to quote an epitome that a survey conducted last year by Times of India newspaper
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
finding the reason why traffic jam is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that everyone prefer their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ride which had a profound impact on traffic as rising the number of cars.

Undoubtedly
, ever lock has a key!
Similarly
, every complication has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
shared ride, then the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
fallen on the road which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the environment
as well
as for us.
Secondly
, bureaucrats introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaigns to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the disadvantage of
fully
depend upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and aware them about the health problem they suffer if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in excess.

To recapitulate, I would like to infer that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individual both go hand in hand, they put their best feet forward together in order to curb the menace. Using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal ride has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
detrimental impact.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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