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More and more people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.4

More and more people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. v. 4
Working from home is becoming increasingly popular among many of the individuals as compared to going to the workplace. While some may believe that it will bring various hurdles at the residence, I side with those who think that it is advantageous for the employees and their families when a person is working from home. What follows is the perception behind my arguments. One the one hand, supporters of not doing work at the home claim that it will create many household disturbances. Working from the one's own house may often require high-speed internet connection along with a fixed space for the office work in the home which can lead towards many stress as the majority of the workers cannot afford to have these kinds of facilities. Furthermore many also feel that some unwanted distraction like a visit from guests, household chores may reduce productivity when performing job from the home, consequently, sometimes a person can also lose their job because of this reasons. Eventually, a certain section of the population has the opinion that various types of tensions are introduced to the men and women who are working from the home. On the other hand, I side with those who argue that the working from the home has many advantages due to several reasons. Firstly, the time and the money spend to on the transportation of reaching to the workplace will not occur and the same can be utilized for various other purposes such as focusing more on professional work and generating more income. Secondly, I also assert that most of the working parents can look after their children and they do not need to send them to any of the care centres as the guardians can look after them through working from their location. Therefore, the office work done through the home may bring many fruitful outcomes for the people and their loved ones. In conclusion, although it is considered that many personal hurdles alongside the fixed space and super-fast worldwide web connectivity are needed that can contribute towards various tensions, I feel that the benefits of time and money saved with the family care are far more advantageous because of working from home. Therefore, on balance, I ultimately believe that more and more people can get the desired personal outcome when working from their residence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
from home is becoming
increasingly
popular among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the individuals as compared to going to the workplace. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may believe that it will bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
hurdles at the residence, I side with those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is advantageous for the employees and their families when a person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home. What follows is the perception behind my arguments.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, supporters of not doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the home claim that it will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
household disturbances.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
from the one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require high-speed internet connection along with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
space for the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the home which can lead towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as the majority of the workers cannot afford to have these kinds of facilities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
also
feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted distraction like a visit from guests, household chores may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
productivity when performing job from the home,
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a person can
also
lose their job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
reasons.
Eventually
, a certain section of the population has the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
types of tensions
are introduced
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from the home.

On the other hand
, I side with those who argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from the home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages due to several reasons.
Firstly
, the time and the money spend to on the transportation of reaching to the workplace will not occur and the same can
be utilized
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
other purposes such as focusing more on professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and generating more income.
Secondly
, I
also
assert that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
parents can look after their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to any of the care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
as the guardians can look after them through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their location.
Therefore
, the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done through the home may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fruitful outcomes for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

In conclusion
, although it
is considered
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal hurdles alongside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
space and super-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
worldwide web connectivity
are needed
that can contribute towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
tensions, I feel that the benefits of time and money saved with the family care are far more advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home.
Therefore
, on balance, I
ultimately
believe that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired personal outcome when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from their residence.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay More and more people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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