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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.7

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 7
Nowadays, the question of whether extreme sports, like skydiving or skiing, should be banned or not have been receiving a great deal of public attention. . Although this prohibition appears plausible in some ways, extreme sports should be welcomed more. On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous sports should be banned. First, since the inherently dangerous nature of these kinds of sports can threaten lives, it should not be allowed to people. . In fact, participants are prone to suffering from unpredictably serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious forms of sports, people have to pay a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are prohibitively expensive, making them unaffordable to all people. However, many supporters of the idea that extreme sports bring great benefits. First, since the original purpose of those sports to consider as survival skills. For example, pilots need to know how to parachute when they know the accident occurs, which helps them save people’s lives. Second, by taking part in extreme sports help people increase their endurance, ability to solve unexpected problems. This means that every time people overcome a challenge, it is also a time when people overcome themselves, overcome their fears, which is beneficial not only for them to become more confident, conquer yourself but also to improve health, spirit. In conclusion, the degree of danger depends on experience. By managing yourself and staying safe will reduce the risk of danger.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, like skydiving or skiing, should
be banned
or not have been receiving a great deal of public attention.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Although this prohibition appears plausible in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be welcomed
more.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
.
First
, since the
inherently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
nature of these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can threaten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In fact, participants are prone to suffering from
unpredictably
serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are
prohibitively
expensive, making them unaffordable to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring great benefits.
First
, since the original purpose of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to consider as survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, pilots need to know how to parachute when they know the accident occurs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Second, by taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase their endurance, ability to solve unexpected problems. This means that every time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome a challenge, it is
also
a time when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcome themselves, overcome their fears, which is beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for them to become more confident, conquer yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health, spirit.

In conclusion
, the degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
depends on experience. By managing yourself and staying safe will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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