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More and More people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

More and More people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. v. 5
The work pattern of the people is changing with more involvement in household work instead of going to the workplace. This approach is thought by many to yield the benefits of better child care and family cohesion, but others say that familial strain is the result of this trend. In my opinion, a balance in the task distribution will be more fruitful. On the one hand, the home oriented works have the first advantage of improved grooming of the children. The parents are available there to spend more time with them, so, they look after their needs and correct their mistakes. Moreover, the parents help them with their home work. For instance, a study of the UK schools showed that children with their parents helping them in the home work outclass their fellows. The second benefit in this regard is enhanced cohesion in the family. The members have more interaction once they are together. They hang out at leisure time and develop a deep understanding about each other. Resultantly, they have more adherence in all the times. For an example, the divorce rate in couples working at home in quite lesser than that in employed. On the other hand, household effort orientation has a disadvantage of economic loss leading to stress in the family. The people need to earn money through the jobs and the employments which they cannot do if they remain indulged in the house related duties. This puts them in a state of the monetary deficiency. Resultantly, their life standard falls which is a major source of strained relationships in the families. A survey shows the separation rate is on the rise with low earnings. In conclusion, more involvement in home tasks, ensures better kids care and fast bondage among the family members, but with the drawback of loss in earning. I think, both deserve to be maintained in a balanced way to avoid outweighing one at the expense of the other.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pattern of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is changing with more involvement in household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of going to the workplace. This approach is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to yield the benefits of better child care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
cohesion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others say that familial strain is the result of this trend. In my opinion, a balance in the task distribution will be more fruitful.

On the one hand, the home oriented works have the
first
advantage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
grooming of the children. The parents are available there to spend more time with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they look after their needs and correct their mistakes.
Moreover
, the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, a study of the UK schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that children with their parents helping them in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outclass their fellows. The second benefit in this regard
is enhanced
cohesion in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The members have more interaction once they are together. They hang out at leisure time and develop a deep understanding about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Resultantly
, they have more adherence in all the times. For an example, the divorce rate in couples working at home in quite lesser than that in employed.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, household effort orientation has a disadvantage of economic loss leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to earn money through the jobs and the employments which they cannot do if they remain indulged in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
related duties. This puts them in a state of the monetary deficiency.
Resultantly
, their life standard falls which is a major source of strained relationships in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. A survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the separation rate is on the rise with low earnings.

In conclusion
, more involvement in home tasks, ensures better kids care and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
bondage among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the drawback of loss in earning. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, both deserve to
be maintained
in a balanced way to avoid outweighing one at the expense of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and More people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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