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Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
Opinion are divided as to whether the use of credit cards should be encouraged. In my opinion, while there are drawbacks to the use of credit card, I believe it brings about much more benefits. There are several reasons why using credit card brings a lot of advantages. Firstly, credit card is bank services that assists people not to carry too much cash. Having a lot of money makes people in trouble for example, robbery or just losing your wallet in a restaurant whereas credit card is having their security system when you lost it, you can prevent other people to use it by just calling to the service provider. Secondly, normal people are paid salary by every month while credit card provides you 30 days of credit for free. So that we can have a lot of benefits from those periods, for instance, buying materials and ingredients for cooking in your restaurant, this will help you to have superb cash flows in your business. Finally, sometime there are an attractive promotion like discount when using credit card which banks always launch these campaigns. Therefore, using cash may not get any extra benefits while credit card provides you plenty of on top discount and premium gifts. On the other hand, there is a negative impact of using credit card by some people who use it incorrectly. I believe the only problem come from the bad behavior. Particularly, many people decide to use credit card when they do not have enough money to buy something. After that, you will have to pay the high interest rate which is extremely expensive like 20 percent a year. Consequently, this cycle will make you pay higher than what you should pay. In conclusion, credit card provides advantages to people as long as they know how to use it.
Opinion
are divided
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
should
be encouraged
. In my opinion, while there are drawbacks to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
, I believe it brings about much more benefits.

There are several reasons why using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
is bank services that assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to carry too much cash. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in trouble
for example
, robbery or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
losing your wallet in a restaurant whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
is having their security system when you lost it, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
calling to the service provider.
Secondly
, normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paid
salary by every month while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
provides you 30 days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
for free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that we can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits from those periods,
for instance
, buying materials and ingredients for cooking in your restaurant, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to have superb cash flows in your business.
Finally
, sometime there are an attractive promotion like discount when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
which banks always launch these campaigns.
Therefore
, using cash may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any extra benefits while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
provides you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of on top discount and premium gifts.

On the other hand
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
incorrectly
. I believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior.
Particularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
when they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something. After that, you will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the high interest rate which is
extremely
expensive like 20 percent a year.
Consequently
, this cycle will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you pay higher than what you should pay.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
provides advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as long as they know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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