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The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. v. 1
Disease prevention is better than cure. Some may ask, Why? This is simply because it is cheaper to prevent a disease than to treat it. Moreover, it reduces cases of complications. Owing to the above, i am completely convinced that it is better to spend a larger proportion of the state's budget on preventive measures rather than on treatment modalities. Firstly, it is cheap to prevent an illness than to treat. The reason being, no one would be pretty sure of how the disease is going to progress. For example, some diseases may easily complicate such as bacterial meningitis. Any delay to seek treatment may result into complications which are expensive to manage. Therefore, it is cheaper to avoid new cases than to treat it Furthermore, some diseases can easily spread within a community causing outbreaks, which will then cost large some of money to control. One clear example is cholera. Cholera can easily spread within hours and it very expensive to control the outbreaks. Secondly, some diseases are difficult to cure due to several reasons such as, drug resistance thereby causing some complications such as disability or even death. In such cases it is much better to prevent the diseases rather than to witness cases of death or disablity due to preventable disease. For example, it is better to health educate people on how to prevent poliomyelitis than to have cases of disability due to poliomyelitis. Due to that, i concur it is better to spend more on preventive measures than on treatment. In conclusion, i totally agree that it is better for the country to spend more on health education and diseasea prevention inatead of spending on treatment. This is because it reduces cases of complications. Above all, it is cheap.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Disease
prevention is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than cure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may ask
If " Why" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, Why
? This is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is cheaper to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
than to treat it.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complications
. Owing to the above,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am completely convinced that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to spend a larger proportion of the state's budget on preventive measures
rather
than on treatment modalities.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
an illness than to treat. The reason being, no one would be pretty sure of how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
is going to progress.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
may
easily
complicate such as bacterial meningitis. Any delay to seek treatment may result into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complications
which are expensive to manage.
Therefore
, it is cheaper to avoid new cases than to treat it
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can
easily
spread within a community causing outbreaks, which will then cost large
Consider using "some money" or "some of the money".
some of money
to control. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is cholera. Cholera can
easily
spread within hours and
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to control the outbreaks.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are difficult to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several reasons such as, drug resistance thereby causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complications
such as disability or even death. In such cases it is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
rather
than to witness cases of death or
Possible spelling mistake found.
disablity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
For example
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to health educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
poliomyelitis than to have cases of disability
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to poliomyelitis.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to that,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
concur it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to spend more on preventive measures than on treatment.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for the country to spend more on health education and
Possible spelling mistake found.
diseasea
prevention
Possible spelling mistake found.
inatead
of spending on treatment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complications
.
Above all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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