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More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v.1

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v. 1
Nowadays, people have a tendency to move away from the outskirts area to settle into cities with the aim of finding better employment opportunities. This essay will examine the consequences of this and various measures can be drawn to tackle it. There are, however, several reasons why it can be argued that the movement of people from villages to developed areas has a negative effect on both urban and countryside. Since many people migrate to the urban area, the number of personal vehicles and housing needs will rise in parallel. Therefore, the cities may face with the transport congestion and housing crisis due to the overpopulation. The other reason is that when people leave their villages to seek better job opportunities, the farm production sector is likely to be reduced. This will put the pressure on agriculture growth and food security resulting in lacking of sources of food supply. Thus, the government has to pay a huge amount of money to import food from another country. Although it seems to be a difficult task, various steps can be taken to solve this obstacle. To begin with, the government should create courses for those who work in plant fields to help them in learning how to utilize the technologies into farming and have more knowledge about how to specialize their skills in food production. As has been demonstrated widely, technology can greatly alleviate the hardship of farming, and also help farmers adapt to the demands of the markets. In addition to that, government investment should focus more on the agricultural sector to improve the infrastructure, establish factories and industries. It is not only creating job opportunities but also the quality of life and salary rates can be improved. In conclusion, there are several factors that lead to the migration rates of people from rural to the urban area. Hard as the issue is, government schemes can be implemented to solve it.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "outskirts'" or "outskirt's"?
outskirts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to settle into cities with the aim of finding better employment opportunities. This essay will examine the consequences of this and various measures can
be drawn
to tackle it.

There are,
however
, several reasons why it can
be argued
that the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from villages to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on both urban and countryside. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, the number of personal vehicles and housing needs will rise in parallel.
Therefore
, the cities may face with the transport congestion and housing crisis due to the overpopulation. The other reason is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their villages to seek better job opportunities, the farm production sector is likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This will put the pressure on agriculture growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
security resulting in lacking of sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay a huge amount of money to import
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from another country.

Although it seems to be a difficult task, various steps can
be taken
to solve this obstacle. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should create courses for those who work in plant fields to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in learning how to utilize the technologies into farming and have more knowledge about how to specialize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production. As has
been demonstrated
widely
, technology can
greatly
alleviate the hardship of farming, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
farmers adapt to the demands of the markets.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
investment should focus more on the agricultural sector to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the infrastructure, establish factories and industries. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creating job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the quality of life and salary rates can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

In conclusion
, there are several factors that lead to the migration rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rural to the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
as the issue is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
schemes can
be implemented
to solve it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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