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More and more are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work? What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v.1

More and more are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work? What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v. 1
Farmers are shifting to urban regions of the country for better work and life, leaving their villages and farmlands. While this trend poses rural and urban problems, I think the government can take important steps to control the migration. Firstly, movement of people from the village to developed areas of the country will not only reduce farm production but also the shortage of food. And, the regime has to import from different parts of the world to maintain food supply in the country. Additionally, increasing inflation in the country since imported commodities are expensive. Secondly, cities will be congested and overpopulated due to a sudden surge of people, mushrooming array of problems and difficulties. For instance, traffic and pollution will rise in parallel due to increase in vehicles. Lack of housing is another problem for the residents owing to places being overcrowded. However, this trend can be controlled with the proper and adequate measures by the government and better collaboration between rural and urban areas. Firstly, local councils can take steps to upgrade the standard of living in rural areas with better hygiene and sanitation in villages. Further, with proper transportation and telecommunication, farmers can effortlessly transfer their yield to different markets for better prices and sales. While these methods may be enough, it is extremely important that next generation is well groomed in the village. Developed societies and large firms can contribute funds for education and healthcare in the government schemes. To sum up, the trend has to be seized by improving standards in villages. And, the government has a major role to play in order to stop the migration and maintain the state of equilibrium in the country.
Farmers are shifting to urban regions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
work and life, leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
and farmlands. While this trend poses rural and urban problems, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps to control the migration.

Firstly
, movement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
to developed areas of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
farm production
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the shortage of food. And, the regime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
import from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world to maintain food supply in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Additionally
, increasing inflation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
since imported commodities are expensive.
Secondly
, cities will
be congested
and overpopulated due to a sudden surge of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, mushrooming array of problems and difficulties.
For instance
, traffic and pollution will rise in parallel due to increase in vehicles. Lack of housing is another problem for the residents owing to places
being overcrowded
.

However
, this trend can
be controlled
with the proper and adequate measures by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
collaboration between rural and urban areas.
Firstly
, local councils can take steps to upgrade the standard of living in rural areas with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
hygiene and sanitation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
Further
, with proper transportation and telecommunication, farmers can
effortlessly
transfer their yield to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
markets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prices and sales. While these methods may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
next
generation is well groomed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
. Developed societies and large firms can contribute funds for education and healthcare in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
schemes.

To sum up, the trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be seized
by improving standards in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
. And, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a major role to play in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the migration and maintain the state of equilibrium in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay More and more are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work? What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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