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More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v.1

More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 1
with the proliferation of cutting-edge technologies, many people are owning a wide range of household appliances. although this trend can be beneficial to human and manufactures, I believe that in the long run, it would be detrimental to the environment. It is reasonable why this development is considered temporarily positive. First, many modern products such as television, microwave oven and rice cooker can meet human's demand on a daily basis and make their life become more effective and efficient. Microwave oven is a typical example since with the pivotal function, this may help them reheat the foods quickly. Also, these modern goods for home can enhance their living standard. Second, the more people purchase household goods, the more manufacturers produce. This development will expand the market, which is entirely beneficial to companies. However, in the long run, I think that this consumption trend can be negative. Owning numerous household appliances is one of the common forms of excess consumerism. Although their products are still in a good condition, people are likely to buy and own new appliances for their home. This development can be harmful to the environment since people will dispose large amounts of waste when replacing their owned devices. It is believed that it takes waste hundred years to decompose. Therefore, excessive consumption can lead to the degradation of environment as well as natural disasters that next generations will suffer. In conclusion, the development of shopping household products might seem to benefit at first glance. Nevertheless, in the long run, this will exert many negative consequences on the environment and human's life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
the proliferation of cutting-edge technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are owning
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
appliances.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
this trend can be beneficial to human and manufactures, I believe that in the long run, it would be detrimental to the environment.

It is reasonable why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is considered
temporarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern products such as television, microwave oven and rice cooker can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
human's demand on a daily basis and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life become more effective and efficient. Microwave oven is a typical example since with the pivotal function, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them reheat the foods
quickly
.
Also
, these modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for home can enhance their living standard. Second, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, the more manufacturers produce. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
will expand the market, which is
entirely
beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

However
, in the long run, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this consumption trend can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Owning numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
appliances is one of the common forms of excess consumerism. Although their products are
still
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
new appliances for their home. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
can be harmful to the environment since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will dispose large amounts of waste when replacing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
devices. It
is believed
that it takes waste hundred years to decompose.
Therefore
, excessive consumption can lead to the degradation of environment
as well
as natural disasters that
next
generations will suffer.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
products might seem to benefit at
first
glance.
Nevertheless
, in the long run, this will exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the environment and human's life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are buying a wide range of household goods. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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