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many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v.1

many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v. 1
In a world of consumerism, wherein advertisements play a big role in fueling the economy, it is a controversial idea to not allow fast food companies to promote themselves. From my standpoint of view, I do think fast food companies should be able to advertise but only with certain limitations placed on them. If fast food companies got banned from advertising, the world’s economy would plummet immediately. Therefore, add firms would lose a lot of income, together with fast food corporations. Many people would be out of work; thereby, those unemployed, might disrupt established peace in societies. On the other hand, it is obvious that those companies try to proactively showcase unhealthy food habits in each and every spot; hence, causing spikes of obesity and many other health detrimental concerns. It is a vicious and unsustainable cycle. However, there is a silver lining. In my opinion, the most effective way, which seems unrealistic for now, is to go back to the drawing board and introduce some well-thought, thorough amendments to the system. In contrast, the more down-to-earth approach, which can be implemented now, is to limit the ability for fast food companies to advertise. For instance, they should only advertise in adult-frequenting venues. That is to say, adults are able to choose for themselves what to eat and what not to. Outside of the venues, they should advertise only at certain periods of time, so underage people will not be exposed to their ads. Moreover, they should not embellish their food, and show it for what it is, while providing information about the long-term consequences of consuming it. In conclusion, due to the fact that this situation is extremely complicated, and has many dependencies, I would state that, for now, the middle ground for this problem is to allow fast-food corporations to promote themselves, but within boundaries.
In a world of consumerism, wherein advertisements play a
big
role in fueling the economy, it is a controversial
idea
to not
allow
fast
food
companies
to promote themselves. From my standpoint of view, I do
think
fast
food
companies
should be able to
advertise
but
only
with certain limitations placed on them.

If
fast
food
companies
got
banned from advertising, the world’s economy would plummet immediately.
Therefore
,
add
firms would lose
a lot of
income, together with
fast
food
corporations.
Many
people
would be out of work; thereby, those unemployed, might disrupt established peace in societies.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that those
companies
try to
proactively
showcase unhealthy
food
habits in each and every spot;
hence
, causing spikes of obesity and
many other health
detrimental concerns. It is a vicious and unsustainable cycle.

However
, there is a silver lining. In my opinion, the most effective way, which seems unrealistic for
now
, is to go back to the drawing board and introduce
some
well-
thought
, thorough amendments to the system.
In contrast
, the more down-to-earth approach, which can
be implemented
now
, is to limit the ability for
fast
food
companies
to
advertise
.
For instance
, they should
only
advertise
in adult-frequenting venues.
That is
to say, adults are able to choose for themselves what to eat and what not to.
Outside of
the venues, they should
advertise
only
at certain periods of time,
so
underage
people
will not
be exposed
to their ads.
Moreover
, they should not embellish their
food
, and
show
it for what it is, while providing information about the long-term consequences of consuming it.

In conclusion
, due to the fact that this situation is
extremely
complicated, and has
many
dependencies, I would state that, for
now
, the middle ground for this problem is to
allow
fast
-food corporations to promote themselves,
but
within boundaries.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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