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many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v.1

many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v. 1
In a world of consumerism, wherein advertisements play a big role in fueling the economy, it is a controversial idea to not allow fast food companies to promote themselves. From my standpoint of view, I do think fast food companies should be able to advertise but only with certain limitations placed on them. If fast food companies got banned from advertising, the world’s economy would plummet immediately. Therefore, add firms would lose a lot of income, together with fast food corporations. Many people would be out of work; thereby, those unemployed, might disrupt established peace in societies. On the other hand, it is obvious that those companies try to proactively showcase unhealthy food habits in each and every spot; hence, causing spikes of obesity and many other health detrimental concerns. It is a vicious and unsustainable cycle. However, there is a silver lining. In my opinion, the most effective way, which seems unrealistic for now, is to go back to the drawing board and introduce some well-thought, thorough amendments to the system. In contrast, the more down-to-earth approach, which can be implemented now, is to limit the ability for fast food companies to advertise. For instance, they should only advertise in adult-frequenting venues. That is to say, adults are able to choose for themselves what to eat and what not to. Outside of the venues, they should advertise only at certain periods of time, so underage people will not be exposed to their ads. Moreover, they should not embellish their food, and show it for what it is, while providing information about the long-term consequences of consuming it. In conclusion, due to the fact that this situation is extremely complicated, and has many dependencies, I would state that, for now, the middle ground for this problem is to allow fast-food corporations to promote themselves, but within boundaries.
In a world of consumerism, wherein advertisements play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in fueling the economy, it is a controversial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to promote themselves. From my standpoint of view, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with certain limitations placed on them.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
banned from advertising, the world’s economy would plummet immediately.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
firms would lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
income, together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
corporations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be out of work; thereby, those unemployed, might disrupt established peace in societies.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
try to
proactively
showcase unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits in each and every spot;
hence
, causing spikes of obesity and
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much other health", "a good deal of other health".
many other health
detrimental concerns. It is a vicious and unsustainable cycle.

However
, there is a silver lining. In my opinion, the most effective way, which seems unrealistic for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, is to go back to the drawing board and introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, thorough amendments to the system.
In contrast
, the more down-to-earth approach, which can
be implemented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, is to limit the ability for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
.
For instance
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
in adult-frequenting venues.
That is
to say, adults are able to choose for themselves what to eat and what not to.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "Outside".
Outside of
the venues, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at certain periods of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
underage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not
be exposed
to their ads.
Moreover
, they should not embellish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
it for what it is, while providing information about the long-term consequences of consuming it.

In conclusion
, due to the fact that this situation is
extremely
complicated, and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dependencies, I would state that, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the middle ground for this problem is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food corporations to promote themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
within boundaries.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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