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Mordern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. To what extent is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

Mordern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. v. 1
Nowadays, because of Advanced technology, mankind gets more benefits from it. That, they can easily download music and also readable things without any charge. However there are both pros and cons deciding such development. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why it is ethical and some of the challenges to be overcome. Let's begin by looking at advantages of cost less availability of copyright music and books from the internet. One of the main positive point is that it is useful to gain an education as well as information. What I mean by this is that if a person click on it for the purpose of download or read, then they can listen or read anytime and anywhere, that is beneficial for mankind to improve learning. For instance, there were many of my classmates who use to surf internet in order to get freely available books so that they can gain more familiarity regarding the topic they searched. Secondly, it is helpful for the musician or writers to become well known without any effort. Hence, they easily earn fame in the world wide. As we know, every coin has two sides. Therefore, turning to the other side of the argument, freely available items create huge losses in the income of the other company. Which means this often leads to the destroys of the company. That, other companies cannot earn income to run their reputed companies. Because People attract to the freely items rather than the item which they get with money. Moreover, another issue is that, some human beings spread hatred among youngsters through social media, doing various negative comments. In conclusion, freely available music and books can be advantageous if it allows to conduct intelligence and information. However, they should be careful that they should not affect the other Nations.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Advanced technology, mankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more benefits from it. That, they can
easily
download music and
also
readable things without any charge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there are both pros and cons deciding such development. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why it is ethical and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
challenges to
be overcome
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at advantages of cost less availability of copyright music and books from the internet. One of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
point is that it is useful to gain an education
as well
as information. What I mean by this is that if a person click on it for the purpose of download or read, then they can listen or read anytime and anywhere,
that is
beneficial for mankind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
learning.
For instance
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my classmates who
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
surf internet in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
available books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can gain more familiarity regarding the topic they searched.
Secondly
, it is helpful for the musician or writers to become well known without any effort.
Hence
, they
easily
earn fame in the
Did you mean "worldwide"?
world wide
.

As we know, every coin has two sides.
Therefore
, turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
available items create huge losses in the income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
means this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. That,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
cannot earn income to run their reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
attract to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
items
rather
than the item which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with money.
Moreover
, another issue is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
human beings spread hatred among youngsters through social media, doing various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
available music and books can be advantageous if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Did you mean "conducting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to conduct
intelligence and information.
However
, they should be careful that they should not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Nations.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Mordern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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