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Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. To what extend is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. v. 1
TECHNOLOGY HAS ROSE HUMAN LIFE-EXPECTANCY TO SOME EXTENT. HENCE, PEOPLE LIVE MUCH LONGER THAN USUAL AND THAT IS EHY CERTAIN FOLKS ARGUE TO RISE THE RETIREMENT AGE FROM WORK. THIS ESSAY WILL COMPLETELY CONCUR WITH THE STATEMENT DUE TO NUMEROUS ADVATAGES FO DOING SO. FIRSTLY, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW THE INDIVIDUAL WOULD BE BENEFITED AND SECONDLY, HOW THIS WOULD CONTRIBUTE TO PEAK THE NATION'S ECONOMY. FROM AN INDIVIDUAL POINT OF VIEW, INCREASED PENSION RECEIVING AGE MAKE OLDER FOLKS INDEPENDENT. AS A RESULT, THEY DO NOT HAVE TO RELY ON THEIR OFFSPRING OR RELATIVES. THIS WOULD DELINE THE OLD-AGE HOME REQUIREMENT AROUN THE NATION. FOR INSTANCE, ACCORDING TO THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT, 80% OF THEIR CIVILIAN OVER THE AGE OF 60 LIVING HAPPYLY EVER AS THEY HAVE ENOUGH FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR THEMSELVES DUE TO RAISED RETIREMENT AGE. FROM THE GOVERNMENT POINT OF VIEW, THE CHANGE IN RETIREMENT AGE WOULD MAKE COUNTRY'S ECONOMY MUCH STRONGER THAN EVER, AS THERE WOULD BE MORE WORKFORCE IN EACH FIELD. THIS WOULD RISE THE NUMBER OF TAX PAYER MEMBERS, CONSEQUENTLY, ECONOMY WOULD BE INCREASED. FOR EXAMPLE, THE USA ECONOMY CONSIDERED AS WEALTHY AND STRONGEST IN COMPARE TO OTHER DEVELOPED TERRITORIES, BECAUSE OF THE MORE RETIRE AGE. HOWEVER, AT SOME POINT, THERE WOULD BE NO SPOT FOR THE FRESHERS TO TO AND OBTAIN A SUFFICIENT TRAING IN THE FIELD AS THERE WILL BE MORE SENIORS AVAILABLE TO FILL THE SPOT. IN CONCLUSION, INCREASED RETIREMENT AGE INDEED OFFER SEVERAL PROS THAN CONS FOR THE PERSON AND AUTHORITY AS WELL. BUT, TO IMPIMENT THIS CHANGE, THE REGIME SHOULD HAVE SUPPORT FROM PUBLIC AND TO GET THAT, THEY HAVE TO PROOVE THE BENEFITS TO THE CIVILIN. NEVERTHELESS, ONCE THEY GET THE SUPPORT, THERE WOULD BE NO STOP ON THE ECONOMY SIDE.
TECHNOLOGY HAS ROSE HUMAN LIFE-EXPECTANCY TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EXTENT.
HENCE
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVE
MUCH LONGER THAN USUAL AND
THAT IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
EHY
CERTAIN FOLKS ARGUE TO RISE THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
FROM WORK. THIS ESSAY WILL COMPLETELY CONCUR WITH THE STATEMENT DUE TO NUMEROUS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADVATAGES
FO DOING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
.
FIRSTLY
, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW THE INDIVIDUAL WOULD
BE BENEFITED
AND
SECONDLY
, HOW THIS WOULD CONTRIBUTE TO PEAK THE NATION'S ECONOMY.

FROM AN INDIVIDUAL POINT OF VIEW, INCREASED PENSION RECEIVING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
OLDER FOLKS INDEPENDENT.
AS A RESULT
, THEY DO NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
RELY ON THEIR OFFSPRING OR RELATIVES. THIS WOULD
Possible spelling mistake found.
DELINE
THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
-AGE HOME REQUIREMENT
Possible spelling mistake found.
AROUN
THE NATION.
FOR INSTANCE
, ACCORDING TO THE CANADIAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
, 80% OF THEIR CIVILIAN OVER THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
OF 60 LIVING
Possible spelling mistake found.
HAPPYLY
EVER AS THEY HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR THEMSELVES DUE TO RAISED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
AGE.

FROM THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
POINT OF VIEW, THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
WOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
COUNTRY'S
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ECONOMY
MUCH STRONGER THAN EVER, AS THERE WOULD BE MORE WORKFORCE IN EACH FIELD. THIS WOULD RISE THE NUMBER OF TAX PAYER MEMBERS,
CONSEQUENTLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ECONOMY
WOULD
BE INCREASED
.
FOR EXAMPLE
, THE USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ECONOMY
CONSIDERED AS WEALTHY AND STRONGEST IN COMPARE TO OTHER DEVELOPED TERRITORIES,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE MORE RETIRE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
.
HOWEVER
, AT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
POINT, THERE WOULD BE NO SPOT FOR THE FRESHERS
Possible typo: you repeated a word
TO TO
AND OBTAIN A SUFFICIENT
Possible spelling mistake found.
TRAING
IN THE FIELD AS THERE WILL BE MORE SENIORS AVAILABLE TO FILL THE SPOT.

IN CONCLUSION
, INCREASED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
INDEED
OFFER SEVERAL PROS THAN CONS FOR THE PERSON AND AUTHORITY
AS WELL
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
IMPIMENT
THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
, THE REGIME SHOULD HAVE SUPPORT FROM PUBLIC AND TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
THAT, THEY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
PROOVE
THE BENEFITS TO THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
CIVILIN
.
NEVERTHELESS
, ONCE THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
THE SUPPORT, THERE WOULD BE NO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STOP
ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ECONOMY
SIDE.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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