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Educaiton for young poeple is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Educaiton for young poeple is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. v. 1
Young people should get the education which is essential for all countries. However, older people must provide with a better learning facility at their later age to enhance the socioeconomic growth of a country so that governments must invest in erudition in adult people who are illiterate. I, holistically, agree that authorities must separate money from the income of taxes to support grown-up learning programs. To begin with, young people have a right to get educated, and the expense should be provided by governments. This is because they will lead the country one day by becoming doctors, engineers, software-engineers, project-manager, et Cetra. For example, in Bangladesh, a statistic shows that 22% of the GDP is allocated for the education of adolescents. As a result, school children are getting motivation from their family to pursue higher study which could help them in getting jobs, consequently, they would contribute to developing the country. Moreover, guardians, teachers, and governments should take greater care of teenagers about their erudition. If they do, terrains would progress automatically. In contrast, it has become a growing concern for governments that besides the young generation, older people should also get the knowledge of books. The reason is that they have the basic inherited wisdom, but they are in the lack of skills which must be obtained by going to training centres. Furthermore, those who are not literate, they ought to go to school. Hence, they would be able to assist young people in different types of activities such as writing documents, calculations in the bank statement, et Cetra. To cite an example, one of the areas of Dhaka city is Mirpur where slumps are ubiquitous. The adult population is funded through the authority for being educated. As a result, this society is enriched with an educated population. These types of initiatives should be taken by bureaucrats of all counties. In conclusion, providing education for the young population is necessary, while governments should emphasize on adult learning, and provide money from revenue earned through taxes. As they could give a hand in the mammoth project with youngsters which could help in developing countries, and I support the latter idea diametrically.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the education which is essential for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide with a better learning facility at their later age to enhance the socioeconomic growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest in erudition in adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are illiterate. I,
holistically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
separate money from the income of taxes to support grown-up learning programs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated, and the expense should
be provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-day"
one day
by becoming doctors, engineers, software-engineers, project-manager,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
For example
, in Bangladesh, a statistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 22% of the GDP
is allocated
for the education of adolescents.
As a result
, school children are getting motivation from their family to pursue higher study which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in getting jobs,
consequently
, they would contribute to developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, guardians, teachers, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should take greater care of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about their erudition. If they do, terrains would progress
automatically
.

In contrast
, it has become a growing concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
that
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge of books. The reason is that they have the basic inherited wisdom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are in the lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be obtained
by going to training
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Furthermore
, those who are not literate, they ought to go to school.
Hence
, they would be able to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of activities such as writing documents, calculations in the bank statement,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
. To cite an example, one of the areas of Dhaka city is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirpur
where slumps are ubiquitous. The adult population
is funded
through the authority for
being educated
.
As a result
, this society
is enriched
with an educated population. These types of initiatives should
be taken
by bureaucrats of all counties.

In conclusion
, providing education for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population is necessary, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should emphasize on adult learning, and provide money from revenue earned through taxes. As they could give a hand in the mammoth project with youngsters which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and I support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
diametrically
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Educaiton for young poeple is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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