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TASK 5: THE MAN NEED TO FINISH THE PAPER TONIGHT BUT HE HAS BEEN INVITED TO A CONCERT AT THE SAME TIME v.1

TASK 5: THE MAN NEED TO FINISH THE PAPER TONIGHT BUT HE HAS BEEN INVITED TO A CONCERT AT THE SAME TIME v. 1
THERE ARE LOTS OF CITIES WHERE PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE RESIDENTED. BUT, NATIVES AND INTERNATIONALS CREATE SOME PROBLEMS WHEN THEY LIVE TOGETHER. FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, AUTHORITIES CAN ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO BAHAVE EFFECTIVELY WITHOUT MAKING DIFFRENCES. THEY CAN ALSO MAKE SOME RULES TO ENFORCE TO LIVE TOGETHER HARMONIOUSLY. IT IS SEEN IN MANY BIGGEST CITIES LIKE NEW YORK, MILAN AND SO MANY OTHERS WHERE DIFFERENT CULTURES OF PEOPLE LIVE TOGETHER. HOWEVER, THESE PEOPLE CREATE DIFFERENCES AND THIS IMPACT ON THE OVERALL ENVIRONMENT. I THINK, GOVERNMENT CAN MAKE SOME RULES, SO THEY CAN LIVE PEACEFULLY. FIRST OF ALL, THEY CAN PROVIDE SIMILAR FACILITIES TO ALL. FOR EXAMPLE, ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE PAID EQUALLY WHETHER THEY ARE NATIVES OR OVERSEAS. IN THIS WAY, SOME OF THE PEOPLE WILL NOT HAVE REASON FOR FIGHTING AND THEY LIVE PEACEFULLY. ANOTHER TYPE OF RULE THAT AUTHORITIES CAN APPLY TO MAKE PEACEFULL ATMOSPHERE FOR LIVING TOGETHER IS THAT, THEY CAN ORGANIZE SOME FESTIVALS WHERE VARIOUS CULTURES OF PEOPLE CAN PARTICIPATE AND CELEBRATE THEM. BY JOINING IN THESE CELEBRATIONS, PEOPLE CAN BECOME AWARE OF OTHER CULTURES AND ACCEPT THEM WHICH CAN CREATE SOME STRONG RELATIONSHIPS. SO, THEY CAN ALL LIVE HARMONIOUSLY WITH EACH OTHER. ALL IN ALL, SOME OF THE BIGGEST CITIES ARE BEING COSMOPOLITAN WITH THE PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT NATIONS WHO ARE LIVING TOGETHER, BUT CREATING THE ATMOSPHERE PEACELESS. I BELIEVE, GOVERNMENT CAN TACKLE BY IMPOSSING SOME RULES SUCH AS GIVING EQUAL TYPE OF FACILITIES AND ORGANIZING FESTIVALS, SO THEY CAN LIVE PEACEFULLY.
THERE ARE LOTS OF CITIES WHERE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
RESIDENTED
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, NATIVES AND INTERNATIONALS CREATE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
PROBLEMS WHEN THEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
TOGETHER. FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, AUTHORITIES CAN ENCOURAGE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
BAHAVE
EFFECTIVELY
WITHOUT MAKING
Possible spelling mistake found.
DIFFRENCES
. THEY CAN
ALSO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RULES
TO ENFORCE TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
TOGETHER
HARMONIOUSLY
.

IT IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEEN
IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
BIGGEST CITIES LIKE NEW YORK, MILAN AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
OTHERS WHERE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
CULTURES OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
TOGETHER.
HOWEVER
, THESE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CREATE DIFFERENCES AND THIS IMPACT ON THE
OVERALL
ENVIRONMENT. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RULES
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THEY CAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
PEACEFULLY
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
FIRST OF ALL
, THEY CAN PROVIDE SIMILAR FACILITIES TO ALL.
FOR EXAMPLE
, ALL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
SHOULD
BE PAID
EQUALLY
WHETHER THEY ARE NATIVES OR OVERSEAS. IN THIS WAY,
If the text is a generality, 'OF THE' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
SOME OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WILL NOT HAVE REASON FOR FIGHTING AND THEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
PEACEFULLY
.

ANOTHER TYPE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RULE
THAT AUTHORITIES CAN APPLY TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEACEFULL
ATMOSPHERE FOR LIVING TOGETHER IS THAT, THEY CAN ORGANIZE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FESTIVALS WHERE VARIOUS CULTURES OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN PARTICIPATE AND CELEBRATE THEM. BY JOINING IN THESE CELEBRATIONS,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
CAN BECOME AWARE OF OTHER CULTURES AND ACCEPT THEM WHICH CAN CREATE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
STRONG RELATIONSHIPS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, THEY CAN ALL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
HARMONIOUSLY
WITH EACH OTHER.

ALL IN ALL,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
OF THE BIGGEST CITIES ARE BEING COSMOPOLITAN WITH THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
NATIONS WHO ARE LIVING TOGETHER,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
CREATING THE ATMOSPHERE
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEACELESS
. I BELIEVE,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
CAN TACKLE BY
Possible spelling mistake found.
IMPOSSING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RULES
SUCH AS GIVING EQUAL TYPE OF FACILITIES AND ORGANIZING FESTIVALS,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THEY CAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LIVE
PEACEFULLY
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TASK 5: THE MAN NEED TO FINISH THE PAPER TONIGHT BUT HE HAS BEEN INVITED TO A CONCERT AT THE SAME TIME v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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