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Earlier, People wore clothes which were related to their culture but now people wear the same type of clothes all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Earlier, People wore clothes which were related to their culture but now people wear the same type of clothes all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
The advancement in the technology has been uncertainly gained momentum resulted in the globalization of the universe. In the past, people were used to dress up their traditional clothes. However, momentarily, many people start to wear the common type of apparatus over the globe. This essay will discuss about the advantages and disadvantages of these changes. To begin with, there are many demerits of this development. The most detrimental reason is that the people in the past liked to wear their traditional clothes and feel proud about their ethics. But nowadays people like western pattern as a result community fill that they may be loss their existence. Even more teenagers like to follow the modernized appearance which helps to create glamorous appearance. For example, most of teenagers change their look and clothes as per the celebrities’ different look in the movie which is in the latest trend. Moreover, having attraction about the apparatus of different brand which are too many expensive still many people waste their money on such items instead of crucial thing such as food, study expenses. At last, this situation will force a person to do start some offensive things to earn money and to satisfy their needs. On the other hand, these changes affected the society by certain parameters. Firstly, this will create uniformity over the cosmos as people travel to different part of the universe, no need to worry about the clothes, foods and ritual, as all are following the same so this would become beneficial for them to migrate to another nation. For instance, in the past time students who transient to another nation for the study purpose must suffer from many difficulties because of the ritual, but these days will enjoy their atmosphere. Secondly, people would ready to travel to any part of the world helps them to advance their knowledge and makes changes in their standard of living. Hence, the overall development of the person occurs due to the globalization. In conclusion, by comparing the plus points with negative as per my opinion disadvantages outweigh the advantages effect on the society’s belief and spoil the individual finance which forces them to start criminal work. The government should start an awareness program which shows the impact of this modernization.
The advancement in the technology has been
uncertainly
gained momentum resulted in the globalization of the universe. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to dress up their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
However
,
momentarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to wear the common type of apparatus over the globe. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantages and disadvantages of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits of this development. The most detrimental reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past liked to wear their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and feel proud about their ethics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like western pattern
as a result
community fill that they may be loss their existence. Even more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to follow the modernized appearance which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create glamorous appearance.
For example
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their look and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as per the celebrities’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
look in the movie which is in the latest trend.
Moreover
, having attraction about the apparatus of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brand which are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
expensive
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their money on such items
instead
of crucial thing such as food, study expenses. At last, this situation will force a person to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offensive things to earn money and to satisfy their needs.

On the other hand
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the society by certain parameters.
Firstly
, this will create uniformity over the cosmos as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the universe, no need to worry about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, foods and ritual, as all are following the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this would become beneficial for them to migrate to another nation.
For instance
, in the
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
students
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a transient".
who transient
to another nation for the study purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the ritual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days will enjoy their atmosphere.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would ready to travel to any part of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to advance their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their standard of living.
Hence
, the
overall
development of the person occurs due to the globalization.

In conclusion
, by comparing the plus points with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
as per my opinion disadvantages outweigh the advantages effect on the society’s belief and spoil the individual finance which forces them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
criminal work. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
an awareness program which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the impact of this modernization.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Earlier, People wore clothes which were related to their culture but now people wear the same type of clothes all over the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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