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Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is danger to societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.3

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is danger to societies. v. 3
Nowadays, Information has become instantly accessible to everyone because of modern technology. Although there is a belief that this phenomenon is far more dangerous than beneficial to our society, I completely disagree with this viewpoint because this trend has made our lives easier to a greater extent and helped us stay connected with our families living abroad. First of all, Modern technology has transformed our lives to be more convenient than ever before. This is because such innovation including the Internet has made our daily routines much quicker and secure. For example, fund transfers are now possible with the help of online banking applications. Furthermore, such transactions are also regulated in order to protect sensitive information from being exposed to unwanted individuals. Thus, rather than physically go to such banking establishments for money deposit or withdrawal concerns, this arrangement has become attainable easily at our fingertips due to the advent of modern technology. Apart from this, people around the world have enjoyed the innovations brought by the advancement of technology. One key reason for this is that communication from our families, who have lived away, especially in abroad, is now more accessible than it used to be. Indeed, social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have given us the opportunity to stay in touch with our loved ones in abroad for longer periods of time, as if we often feel like they are just living nearby. Hence, both parties can organize their family reunion or plan their social meetings through online quickly at ease. In conclusion, modern technology has changed the accessibility of information to be more rapidly available to everyone. This, in turn, has made our way of life to be more convenient and gave us the chance to connect with our families living overseas.
Nowadays, Information has become
instantly
accessible to everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Although there is a belief that this phenomenon is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
than beneficial to our society, I completely disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this trend has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier to a greater extent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us stay connected with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
living abroad.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to be more convenient than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such innovation including the Internet has made our daily routines much quicker and secure.
For example
, fund transfers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of online banking applications.
Furthermore
, such transactions are
also
regulated in order to protect sensitive information from
being exposed
to unwanted individuals.
Thus
,
rather
than
physically
go to such banking establishments for money deposit or withdrawal concerns, this arrangement has become attainable
easily
at our fingertips due to the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology.

Apart from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world have enjoyed the innovations brought by the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. One key reason for this is that communication from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
away,
especially
in abroad, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more accessible than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
Indeed
, social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us the opportunity to stay in touch with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones in abroad for longer periods of time, as if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel like they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
living nearby.
Hence
, both parties can organize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
reunion or plan their social meetings through online
quickly
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the accessibility of information to be more
rapidly
available to everyone. This, in turn, has made our way of life to be more convenient and gave us the chance to connect with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
living overseas.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is danger to societies. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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