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Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v.3

Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 3
Innovative and latest technology such as the internet and computer have an intense effect on the people, especially in their workplaces. As a result, the method of working is transforming continuously. These days, technology has epidemically flared and even overtaking the humans, who are the inventors of the technology. I personally believe that there are more pitfalls of relying technology than the advantages it offers. Technology made us work less and move even lost. We rely on the computer and the internet to have our work done. The faster communication has made the global business a reality, though not without a cost. No doubt, technology has negative impacts on the human. Firstly, technology had made people extremely sponger. For instance, people used to travel on foot to in the past especially, in India. As a consequence, people remained active and fit and also free from ample of ailments namely fatigue, heart disease and severe disease like cancer as well. Their average life expectancy was far more than the generation we see now. Though it is claimed that technological advancement has enhanced people’s lifespan and cured many diseases, I do not see that it is true. When it was common for people to live more than 100 years in the past, many people nowadays dies at their early 60s. Moreover, technology has a greater impact on the young generation. Most of the students and children, even cannot do brainstorming in the time base task. In addition to this, scholars and children, are losing their own personal skills, this is all because they are not using their own knowledge and creativity. As an example, most of the students are using Wikipedia and imitating the same text in their projects or assignment which is an abominable way to pass the exam. The way people are becoming dependent on technology, a simple mistake on a calculation or a wrong decision taken by a computer device will create a disaster. Consider the nuclear research centre where everything is computerised. If a computer virus attack this station or a hacker hack this station, this could lead to a global catastrophe. Our relationship with each other has seriously been affected due to the modern technology like smartphones, computers and social networking websites. People no longer interact each other in person so intimacy among them is plunging day by day. To illustrate, webcams and the internet are the predominant reasons behind this. Technology has reached to the institution where students get the best study (smart classes) hence communications among students and tutors are dropping. To encapsulate, technology has alleviated humans to some extent but, when the technology will advance to the redundancy level and we will solely rely on this - it will be the Doomsday for the Earth
Innovative and latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as the internet and computer have an intense effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in their workplaces.
As a result
, the method of working is transforming
continuously
. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
epidemically
flared and even overtaking the humans, who are the inventors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. I
personally
believe that there are more pitfalls of
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relying on".
relying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
than the advantages it offers.

Technology made us work less and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
even lost. We rely on the computer and the internet to have our work done. The faster communication has made the global business a reality, though not without a cost.

No doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the human.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
had made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
extremely
sponger.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel on foot to in the past
especially
, in India. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remained active and fit and
also
free from ample of ailments
namely
fatigue, heart disease and severe disease like cancer
as well
. Their average life expectancy was far more than the generation we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Though it
is claimed
that technological advancement has enhanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifespan and cured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it is true. When it was common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than 100 years in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
at their early 60s.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a greater impact on the young generation. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and children, even cannot
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go brainstorming".
do brainstorming
in the time base task.
In addition
to this, scholars and children, are losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, this is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge and creativity. As an example, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are using Wikipedia and imitating the same text in their projects or assignment which is an abominable way to pass the exam. The way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, a simple mistake on a calculation or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision taken by a computer device will create a disaster. Consider the nuclear research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
where everything is
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
. If a computer virus attack this station or a hacker hack this station, this could lead to a global catastrophe.

Our relationship with each other has
seriously
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
like smartphones, computers and social networking websites.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
no longer interact each other in person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
intimacy among them is plunging day by day. To illustrate, webcams and the internet are the predominant reasons behind this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has reached to the institution where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best study (smart classes)
hence
communications among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and tutors are dropping.

To encapsulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has alleviated humans to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will advance to the redundancy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
level and
we will
solely
rely on this
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
it will be the Doomsday for the Earth
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology? v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
460 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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