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Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology v.2

Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology v. 2
We are living in an era of technological advancement and it is frequently used in most of the workplace. Although there are some drawbacks of excessively rely on it, but I believe that, this have numerous benefits to accelerate the way of working. To begin with, technology help employees to do a task quickly than before and it is have impact on changes the working method. Firstly, in every office in the workplace now have computers which is an essential things to execute work. For example, nowadays our banking system has bring changes it function by using computer, where the transaction of money and the customer account details has been kept. This provides more security in these sector. Because, before the uses of computer people have to go there to transfer their money's to another bank, but now it has done by used these device. In addition, the innovation of technologies reduced the working time of worker and give then foexibility in the workplaces. As a consequence, now it is to keep record all of the valuable information on office database and do not need to writing it in papers. However, uses of modern technology in working environment have same negative affect. Employee are not willing to work physically and entirely depending on computer, which sometimes creates major problem such as, hacking the information by others. If they put it through handwriting, it's never been hacked. Furthermore, the usage of techical device makes them lazy and sometimes they are reluctant to work. Despite this has bad impacts, it gives lots of advantages to complete the work on an office or industry. In conclusion, today's innovative technologies help us to comfortably worked in workplace. Whist, some people depend on it too much but the benefits of it is far better than disadvantages.
We are living in an era of technological advancement and it is
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
excessively
rely on it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that,
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this have
numerous benefits to accelerate the way of working.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
employees to do a task
Use "(quickly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
quickly
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it is
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the working method.
Firstly
, in every office in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have computers which is an essential
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
to execute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, nowadays our banking system has
Use past participle here: "brought".
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
it function by using computer, where the transaction of money and the customer account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
. This provides more security in
Did you mean "this sector" or "these sectors"?
these sector
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go there to transfer their money's to another bank,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it has done by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Did you mean "this device" or "these devices"?
these device
.
In addition
, the innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the working time of worker and give then
Possible spelling mistake found.
foexibility
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplaces
. As a consequence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
record
Consider using "all the".
all of the
valuable information on office database and do not need to writing it in papers.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in working environment have same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
affect. Employee are not willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
physically
and
entirely
depending on computer, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
creates major problem such as, hacking the information by others. If they put it through handwriting, it's never
been hacked
.
Furthermore
, the usage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
techical
device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Despite this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts, it gives lots of advantages to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on an office or industry.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
comfortably
worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. Whist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depend on it too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits of it is far better than disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in the most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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