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How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisation v.1

How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisation v. 1
A large number of museums require admission fees while there are some that are free. Having funds to run a museum is paramount but there will also be some drawbacks. However, in my opinion, the pros of charging fees in a museum do not outweigh the cons. One evident benefit to charging fees for entrance is the feasibility of maintaining a museum. Moreover, It is an indisputable fact that museums need a lot of maintenance in terms of cleanliness, safety of the precious items that are on display (such as ancient jewelleries), hiring security and installing CCTV cameras for safety purposes. All of this is not free and needs some sort of a funding, which can easily be covered up by the fees these museums charge to the public. On the other hand, there are obvious disadvantages to fixing fees in a museum. Knowledge should be accessible to everyone free of cost. Museums act as the holding place of a piece of art, they provide insight into our historical backgrounds as well. Furthermore, depriving the public of the information that they provide by imposing some kind of a fee is unfair, as it is possible that poor people won't be able to afford this fee. For instance, the eminent Louvre museum in London is the hosting place for many precious paintings like the famous Mona Lisa. However, many fascinated are lovers are not able to afford the huge ticket fee they impose for admission in the art gallery. Lastly, I believe that money is a fundamental part to run a museum and ensure its safety. However, instead of charging fees to the general public, it should be the duty of government to provide the funds needed to maintain and run these museums. In conclusion, while there are plus points to charging fees in a museum, the disadvantages of this trend are outweighing the advantages.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
require admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that are free. Having funds to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is paramount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
However
, in my opinion, the pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
do not outweigh the cons.

One evident benefit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for entrance is the feasibility of maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Moreover
, It is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
maintenance in terms of cleanliness, safety of the precious items that are on display (such as ancient
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewelleries
), hiring security and installing CCTV cameras for safety purposes. All of this is not free and needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'sort' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "sort of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
sort of a
funding, which can
easily
be covered
up by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charge to the public.

On the other hand
, there are obvious disadvantages to fixing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. Knowledge should be accessible to everyone free of cost.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
act as the holding place of a piece of art, they provide insight into our historical backgrounds
as well
.
Furthermore
, depriving the public of the information that they provide by imposing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is unfair, as it is possible that poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
won't be able to afford this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
.
For instance
, the eminent Louvre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in London is the hosting place for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
precious paintings like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Mona Lisa.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fascinated are lovers are not able to afford the huge ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
they impose for admission in the art gallery.

Lastly
, I believe that money is a fundamental part to run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and ensure its safety.
However
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
to the
Consider using "public".
general public
, it should be the duty of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide the funds needed to maintain and run these museums.

In conclusion
, while there are plus points to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, the disadvantages of this trend are outweighing the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay How have you contributed to solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform? (Be specific and include: what aspect/s of your leadership knowledge, skills and practice you consider to be well established and effective; which people or organisation v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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