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Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their university are at different places. What are advantages and disadvantages of both the situations. v.1

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their university are at different places. What are advantages and disadvantages of both the situations. v. 1
Accommodation of students is one of the essential subjects that university students encounter with it. Many of students prefer to stay and live their own cities accompany with their parents, however, others would like to live in the city which university is located. There are rational arguments on both sides of this topic which will be discussed in detail, followed my point of view. On the one hand, the advantage for students living with their families are manifold. TO begin with, living with family can cause to more comfortable condition, which necessary to have enough time to concentrate on classes. In this regards, The more convenience on the place that we live, the better results will be happen to us. Take having a fun time and eating fresh and healthy foods as an example; it is not necessary to be worried about what we should buy and how to make a food. Moreover, it is probable to anybody to face with hard situations such as illness, which families can take care students very well. Therefore, it is worthwhile to live with families to having both comfortable and low risk conditions. Notwithstanding the benefits of living with families, the opposite view asserts that living away from family is necessary sometimes. When the students are far away from their families, they encounter with problems and difficulties, which they didn't comprehend before. Therefore, this sort of hard situations make them strong to struggle with unpredictable problems upcoming in future. For instance, most of the students have not had the rational mentality about utility bills, accommodation difficulties or buying stuff from home, because these types of issues were responsibility of families. Hence, Students live in new situations as if they discover the new world. To conclude, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy, however, it is my firm opinion that attention should be paid to the students living away from families. They will need the help of their family more than before.
Accommodation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is one of the essential subjects that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
encounter with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to stay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cities
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
their parents,
however
, others would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the city which university
is located
. There are rational arguments on both sides of this topic which will
be discussed
in detail, followed my point of view.

On the one hand, the advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are manifold. TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can cause to more comfortable condition, which necessary to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to concentrate on classes. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, The more convenience on the place that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, the better results will be
Consider using the past participle "happened"?
happen
to us. Take having a fun time and eating fresh and healthy foods as an example; it is not necessary to
be worried
about what we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "food".
a food
.
Moreover
, it is probable to anybody to face with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations such as illness, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can take care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
Therefore
, it is worthwhile to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to having both comfortable and low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
conditions.

Notwithstanding the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the opposite view asserts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are far away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, they encounter with problems and difficulties, which they didn't comprehend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Therefore
, this sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them strong to struggle with unpredictable problems upcoming
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have not had the rational mentality about utility bills, accommodation difficulties or buying stuff from home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these types of issues were responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in new situations as if they discover the new world.

To conclude
, there are valid arguments on both sides of the controversy,
however
, it is my firm opinion that attention should
be paid
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. They will need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their university are at different places. What are advantages and disadvantages of both the situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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