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Modern technology is creating a single world culture. Do you agree or disagree and give reasons and examples v.2

Modern technology is creating a single world culture. and give reasons and examples v. 2
When it comes to the issue the importance of having the single culture in the world, some people believe that it is an inevitable way that we should go However, others have the opposite view by highlighting its drawbacks. As far as I am concerned, the former point carries more weight. It would be better to consider influential factors in every culture. First and the most important factor is the Language. Every culture is determined by distinct language, which allows it to be different from others. Before the 20th century, a wide range of people across the world speak their language, while now the scenario is altered. With the advent of the technological and industrial revolution, the world has become inundated with digital device and equipment. The expanding computer and the internet, people tend more to use English, which is prevailing language in them. Gradually, the trend for learning English has increased more and more, conversely; plenty of languages have forgotten. Nowadays, believe it or not, most people have the same language, English, and use it in their routine activities. Another point is that modern people can communicate with each other readily. In the past, humans were living in the isolated environment and could not associate with a wide range of people. As a result, humans lives in small folks that every of them had special rites according to their perception of the world. They had a limited world which makes them fanatic. In contrast, we can contact with various people in every corner of the world by virtue of the new communication tools. Therefore, today' s people can become familiar with diverse of points of view, which helps them to have the resilient mind. Eventually, we are more capable of having a united culture than our ancestors. In conclusion, all above evidence supports this fact that, sooner or later, we should accept the single culture. To the sake of striking advances, we have to settle our differences and lived in the same society.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the issue the importance of having the single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is an inevitable way that we should go
However
, others have the opposite view by highlighting its drawbacks. As far as I
am concerned
, the former point carries more weight. It would be better to consider influential factors in every culture.

First
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is determined
by distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
it to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the 20th century, a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
speak their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the scenario
is altered
. With the advent of the technological and industrial revolution, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has become inundated with digital device and equipment. The expanding computer and the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
English, which is prevailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in them.
Gradually
, the trend for learning English has increased more and more,
conversely
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
have forgotten. Nowadays, believe it or not, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, English, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in their routine activities.

Another point is that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with each other
readily
. In the past, humans were living in the isolated environment and could not associate with a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
folks that every of them had special rites according to their perception of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. They had a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them fanatic.
In contrast
, we can contact with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by virtue of the new communication tools.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become familiar with diverse of points of view, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to have the resilient mind.
Eventually
, we are more capable of having a united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
than our ancestors.

In conclusion
, all above evidence supports this fact that, sooner or later, we should accept the single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. To the sake of striking advances, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
settle our differences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the same society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Modern technology is creating a single world culture. and give reasons and examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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