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Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. with this statement? v. 5
It is undeniable that an advent of the technology has changed the people's lifestyle globally. Therefore, some people contend that it is beneficial as people can easily interact with each other, whereas other people have contradictory viewpoint and said that it is immensely spoiling one's cultural norms. This essay will discuss how the advancement in the technology is a positive development despite some potential risks of cultural extinction and I personally believe that there are immense benefits of this trend. To begin with, it is true that due to the technological devices people are able to communicate with their kith and kins despite the geographical boundaries because through the internet they could easily get in touch with them and ultimately the bond between the people has become certainly stronger. In addition, one could enhance their business worldwide in a virtual world which makes their connection with the people that are living in an another region. For example, according to the survey of Hindustan Times, these days 70% of total population preferring the technological sources for communicating and telecommuting is one of them. Thus, the scientific inventions plays an indispensable role in order to be in touch with the others. Conversely, there are some drawbacks of these inventions which could not be ignored as people tend to follow the rituals of other areas and considered their own tradition and culture extremely old-fashioned and boring, in fact, all this has happened because the invention of the internet, convert the whole globe into a global village where people has been following other trends and adopting other country's norms and totally neglecting their own traditional backgrounds. For instance, there have been some recorded instances of people who opt the other culture due to the influence of technology since people can easily get interacted towards the other group of people through social networking sites. Overall, the technology deters the folks to get involved in their cultural roots. In conclusion, the people who are against the myriad benefits of technology have a flawed understanding of the concept, but the negative aspects of this trend should be overlooked also. This essay discussed how in this techno-savvy era people can share their ideas with each other no matter where they are and mentioned the bad effects of the internet due to which people are getting rid from their traditions.
It is undeniable that an advent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle globally.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that it is beneficial as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have contradictory viewpoint and said that it is
immensely
spoiling one's cultural norms. This essay will discuss how the advancement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of cultural extinction and I
personally
believe that there are immense benefits of this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that due to the technological devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to communicate with their kith and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
despite the geographical boundaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
through the internet they could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with them and
ultimately
the bond between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become
certainly
stronger.
In addition
, one could enhance their business worldwide in a virtual world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their connection with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are living in
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a region" or "another region".
an another region
.
For example
, according to the survey of Hindustan Times, these days 70% of total population preferring the technological sources for communicating and telecommuting is one of them.
Thus
, the scientific inventions plays an indispensable role in order to be in touch with the others.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of these inventions which could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to follow the rituals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas and considered their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tradition and culture
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned and boring, in fact, all this has happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the invention of the internet, convert the whole globe into a global village where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
trends and adopting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country's norms and
totally
neglecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional backgrounds.
For instance
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recorded instances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
culture due to the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interacted towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through social networking sites.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
deters the folks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in their cultural roots.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are against the myriad benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have a flawed understanding of the concept,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of this trend should
be overlooked
also
. This essay discussed how in this techno-savvy era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
no matter where they are and mentioned the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of the internet due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
The usual collocation for "rid" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "rid of"?
rid from
their traditions.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. with this statement? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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