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Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v.1

Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 1
In this hectic social life, most of populace face many difficulties. While, one can live without any plan, to my mind, persons, especially young ones, should have the ability of planning and organizing to have a better life. My arguments to this point are based on social, psychological, and financial reasons. First, from a social point of view, we can easily realize that with no prior plan we may break off our relationship with other people. For example, suppose that you abruptly decide to visit one of your neighbours, and he is eating lunch. In this time you knock at the door and he angrily comes to open the door. What would happen? While you expect to be given a warm welcome, you will be castigated for your reckless treatment. As a result you may decide to end your friendship with your neighbour. Second, from a psychological aspect, it is easy to see that in the adversity of life only those persons can keep their composure who have a plan to face a wide variety of circumstances. For example, consider a teacher who suddenly decides to take an exam from his students. And for this purpose, he only states that tomorrow morning we have an exam! In the time of exam, while the teacher expects to find everything available, he faces the fact that there is not any place to hold the exam. In this time he becomes angry and begins to insult. What a bad event for a respectful teacher! After this time no one would respect him. Finally, a quick glance at financial issues, we can understand that people cannot save money, unless they have plan for their actions. For example, assume that you have decided to go to a trip with your family and you have no plan for this. In such a trip, you will face many different situations that you should pay extra money for them; including eating at a luxury restaurant, staying at an expensive hotel and etcetera. Therefore, as you have not had a prior plan for your trip you will lose a lot of money. So, if all the above factors are considered, we can easily find out that all people, whether young people or old people, need to make plan for whatever they want to do. I believe that the mentioned situations are the most conspicuous ones, and one can imagine many different scenarios to confirm my allegation.
In this hectic social life,
Consider using "most populace" or "most of the populace".
most of populace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties. While, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, to my mind, persons,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, should have the ability of planning and organizing to have a better life. My arguments to this point
are based
on social, psychological, and financial reasons.

First
, from a social point of view, we can
easily
realize that with no prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
we may break off our relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, suppose that you
abruptly
decide to visit one of your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, and he is eating lunch. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you knock at the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
door and
he
angrily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to open the door. What would happen? While you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a warm welcome, you will
be castigated
for your reckless treatment.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result you may decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
your friendship with your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
.

Second, from a psychological aspect, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in the adversity of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those persons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their composure who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
a wide variety of circumstances.
For example
, consider a teacher who
suddenly
decides to take an exam from his students. And for this purpose, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
states that tomorrow morning we have an exam! In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of exam, while the teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to find everything available, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
faces
the fact that there is not any place to hold the exam. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he becomes angry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to insult. What a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
for a respectful teacher!
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
no one would respect him.

Finally
, a quick glance at financial issues, we can understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot save money, unless they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for their actions.
For example
, assume that you have decided to
The usual collocation for "to" and "a trip" is "to on a trip". Did you mean "go on a trip"?
go to a trip
with your family and you have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for this. In such a trip, you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations that you should pay extra money for them; including eating at a luxury restaurant, staying at an expensive hotel and etcetera.
Therefore
, as you have not had a prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for your trip you will lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if all the above factors
are considered
, we can
easily
find out that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for whatever they want to do. I believe that the mentioned situations are the most conspicuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, and one can imagine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenarios to confirm my allegation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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