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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they arestudying in universities. v.773

Students should not take part-time jobs while they arestudying in universities. v. 773
By and large, students are the most important parts of any society, because they are building the future of a country. In this hectic era, there are more and more pressures on students; they should be as successful as they can in their studies while they are managing all aspects of their life, such as financial ones. There are some ways to help students: scholarships and part-time jobs. In this regard, many controversies usually arise whether students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities. Although many people think that part-time jobs can not benefit students, personally, I am of the idea that part-time jobs are lucrative for students. In the following lines, I will present and investigate two reasons to substantiate my response. The first reason is that students can afford their needs. In other words, students usually deal with a lot of problems to manage their sources of money; they should pay their tuition, buy books, pay for their housing, pay for their foods, etc. If they have an extra source of money, for example, an income from a part-time job, they will be able to overcome many of those problems. Also, students are not expected to decrease their study time, but they are expected to reduce their leisure time, which they usually spend on partying or hanging out, so it could not cause any bad effect on their education. For example, consider a university student that works part-time in a library after school hours, s/he will gain enough money to overcomes at least some of the economic problems that s/he has. If s/he does not work, s/he may not be able to manage financial issues in a good way. The second reason of equal importance is that students will get a job sooner in their future life. It goes without saying that today, employers tend to employ who has work experiences before. Students who work part-time during their unversities will have a better chance of getting a job. In comparison, who do not have any work experience, will not be employed easily after graduation or will not be paid fairly in the first years of work. To illustrate, in the same example, the student with a job experience could fulfill the work experience criteria of many job vacancies. Also, s/he could be able to introduce some people as references from previous work, so s/he will have a better chance of getting a job. If s/he did not work part-time when s/he was at university, s/he would not be able to find a job quickly. To bring everything to a conclusion, having analyzed the reasons above, one could surmise that the benefits of a part-time job during university outweigh its drawbacks. Because not only are students able to respond to their needs but also they could gain work experience.
By and large,
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students
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of any society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are building the future of a country. In this hectic era, there are more and more pressures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
; they should be as successful as they can in their studies while they are managing all aspects of their life, such as financial ones. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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students
: scholarships and part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversies
usually
arise whether
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students
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are studying in
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universities
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that part-time
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jobs
can not benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
personally
, I am of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are lucrative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In the following lines, I will present and investigate two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to substantiate my response.

The
first
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reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can afford their needs.
In other words
,
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students
usually
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems to manage their sources of money; they should pay their tuition,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books, pay for their housing, pay for their foods, etc. If they have an extra source of money,
for example
, an income from a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will be
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able
to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of those problems.
Also
,
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students
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to decrease their study time,
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but
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their leisure time, which they
usually
spend on partying or hanging out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it could not cause any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on their education.
For example
, consider a
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university
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student
that works part-time in a library after school hours,
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s/he
will gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to overcomes at least
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
economic problems that
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s/he
has. If
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s/he
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
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s/he
may not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to manage financial issues in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.

The second
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reason
of equal importance is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
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job
sooner in their future life. It goes without saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, employers tend to employ who has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
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work
part-time during their
Possible spelling mistake found.
unversities
will have a better chance of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In comparison
, who do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, will not
be employed
easily
after graduation or will not
be paid
fairly
in the
first
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To illustrate, in the same example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
could fulfill the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
criteria of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies.
Also
,
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s/he
could be
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able
to introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as references from previous
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work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
s/he
will have a better chance of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If
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s/he
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time when
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s/he
was at
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university
,
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s/he
would not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to find a
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job
quickly
.

To bring everything to a conclusion, having analyzed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
above, one could surmise that the benefits of a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
during
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university
outweigh its drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to respond to their needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they could gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Students should not take part-time jobs while they arestudying in universities. v. 773

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
474 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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