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Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
IT IS SAID THET, NEW CITIES IS DEMANDING SPECIAL ARTISTS IN IMPORTANT AREAS THAN IN EVERY SINGLE. SO, SOME BELIEVE THAT THESE PEOPLE SHOULD BE PAID BY THE AUTHORITIES FOR EDUCATION. BUT, IF IT EXCLUSIVE FROM CITIZENS WISH THEN THEY SHOULD NOT BE GRANTED. FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, THESE WAY OF STUDYING SYSTEM CAN HAVE SOME BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS TO THEM. TO BEGIN WITH, IF THE GOVERNMENT FUND FOR THE EDUCATION OF STUDENT CAREER WHICH IS WISHED BY THE SOCIETY MEMBERS THEN THESE CHILDREN CAN HELP TO DEVELOP THEIR PLACES. TO BE CLEAR, THEY CAN FULFILL THE NEED OF THEIR NEIGHBOURS. THEY CAN GET SOME NEW CHANGES BY DOING ALL THIS, NEW GENERATION CAN SEEK KNOWLEDGE AND WILL DO THE SAME FOR THE FUTURE. FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOUNSTER LEARN TO CREATE BUSINESS IN A NEARBY AREA FROM WHERE JOB OPPURTUNITIES INCREASE FOR POOR PEOPLE. IN THIS WAY, THEY CAN PASS THIS TO NEXT FUTURE. ON THE OTHER HAND, IT HAS SOME NEGATIVE SIDES. GRANT GIVEN BY THE AUTHORITIES FOR STUDY SUBJECT CAN CREATE SOME AWARENESS AMONG PEOPLE. THIS CAN LEAD TO CONFLICTS OR WAR BETWEEN THEM. ANOTHER NEGATIVE EFFECT OF THIS IS THAT, MORE NAD MORE CHILDREN CHOSE ONLY THAT FIELD AND NOT OTHERS. SUCH AS, IF THEY PAY FOR POLITICAL STUDIES THEN OTHER IMPORTANT SUBJECT LOOSE THEIR STUDENTS. FINALLY, NOBODY TAKE OTHER VITAL COURSES LIKE A BUSINESS, DOCTOR AND SO ON. IN CONCLUSION, ATER THIS DISCUSSION, I WOULD SAY THAT, THERE ARE MORE NEGATIVE AFFECTS THAN POSITIVE FOR THIS RULE OF EDUCATING PEOPLE. THESE CAN CREATE CONFLICTS AND PEOPLE WILL CHOSE ONLY THAT COURSE WHILE, OTHER COURSES WILL BE TAKEN BY ONLY FEW PEOPLE.
IT
IS SAID
Possible spelling mistake found.
THET
, NEW CITIES IS DEMANDING SPECIAL ARTISTS IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
AREAS THAN IN EVERY SINGLE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
BELIEVE THAT THESE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
SHOULD
BE PAID
BY THE AUTHORITIES FOR EDUCATION.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, IF IT EXCLUSIVE FROM CITIZENS WISH THEN THEY SHOULD NOT
BE GRANTED
. FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, THESE WAY OF STUDYING SYSTEM CAN HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS TO THEM.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH, IF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
FUND FOR THE EDUCATION OF STUDENT CAREER WHICH
IS WISHED
BY THE SOCIETY MEMBERS THEN THESE CHILDREN CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
TO DEVELOP THEIR PLACES. TO BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLEAR
, THEY CAN FULFILL THE NEED OF THEIR
Possible spelling mistake. 'NEIGHBOURS' is British English.
NEIGHBOURS
. THEY CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
NEW
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGES
BY DOING ALL THIS, NEW GENERATION CAN SEEK KNOWLEDGE AND WILL DO THE SAME FOR THE FUTURE.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF
Possible spelling mistake found.
YOUNSTER
LEARN TO CREATE BUSINESS IN A NEARBY AREA FROM WHERE JOB
Possible spelling mistake found.
OPPURTUNITIES
INCREASE FOR POOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
. IN THIS WAY, THEY CAN PASS THIS TO
NEXT
FUTURE.

ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
HAND, IT HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
SIDES. GRANT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
BY THE AUTHORITIES FOR STUDY SUBJECT CAN CREATE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
AWARENESS AMONG
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
. THIS CAN LEAD TO CONFLICTS OR WAR BETWEEN THEM. ANOTHER
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECT OF THIS IS THAT, MORE NAD MORE CHILDREN CHOSE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
THAT FIELD AND NOT OTHERS. SUCH AS, IF THEY PAY FOR POLITICAL STUDIES THEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
SUBJECT
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
LOOSE
THEIR STUDENTS.
FINALLY
, NOBODY
The pronoun 'NOBODY' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "takes", "took".
TAKE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
VITAL COURSES LIKE A BUSINESS, DOCTOR AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON.

IN CONCLUSION
, ATER THIS DISCUSSION, I WOULD SAY THAT, THERE ARE MORE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
AFFECTS THAN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
FOR THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
RULE
OF EDUCATING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
. THESE CAN CREATE CONFLICTS AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WILL CHOSE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
THAT COURSE WHILE,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
COURSES WILL
BE TAKEN
BY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
FEW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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