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Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In this modern era, there are different areas of education and students have the freedom to choose any subjects that they want to learn. However, some people have a perception that specializations must be done only in certain fields rather than others and they believe that the government must pay fees for the University students who study these subjects than others. I disagree with the viewpoint that the advantages exceed the disadvantages. Firstly, the students in every country have a right to select the subjects that they want to study and they have also been successful in it. Although, there are many professions like doctors, engineers, lawyers and teachers which are very popular and important course in our country, but still people join other courses like fashion designing, commerce, charted accountancy. Even though these professions have less popularity when compared to former fields, but the government should provide funding to these people. Moreover, the fields that people think are less important might gain more importance than other subjects. For example, a decade ago, charted accountancy was not an important course and only 10 out of 100 people have chosen this, but now many people are choosing this path of education. On the other hand, the cabinet may provide an extra funding for pupils who are studying the significant specializations, but they can also encourage other areas of study. Moreover, nowadays hotel management and fashion designing have equal importance like doctors and engineers, and they are also earning equal income. Therefore, if the council provides a little more support for such course of study, then more pupils will be interested to join them. For example, in countries like Malaysia and Singapore, the government has supported and encouraged the hotel management pupils more and these people are working in top restaurants and hotels around the globe. In conclusion, there is nothing like less valued branch of study, and moreover, each and every specialization has its own importance in one place or the other. Therefore, in my opinion, the council must support all the branch of studies equally.
In this modern era, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of education and students have the freedom to choose any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they want to learn.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a perception that specializations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in certain fields
rather
than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay fees for the University students who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
than others. I disagree with the viewpoint that the advantages exceed the disadvantages.

Firstly
, the students in every country have a right to select the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they want to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they have
also
been successful in it. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions like doctors, engineers, lawyers and teachers which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in our country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
like fashion designing, commerce, charted accountancy.
Even though
these professions have less popularity when compared to former fields,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide funding to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the fields that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
might gain more importance than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, a decade ago, charted accountancy was not an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have chosen this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing this path of education.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the cabinet may provide an extra funding for pupils who are studying the significant specializations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Moreover
, nowadays hotel management and fashion designing have equal importance like doctors and engineers, and they are
also
earning equal income.
Therefore
, if the council provides a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more support for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, then more pupils will
be interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them.
For example
, in countries like Malaysia and Singapore, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has supported and encouraged the hotel management pupils more and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in top restaurants and hotels around the globe.

In conclusion
, there is nothing like less valued branch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and
moreover
, each and every specialization has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance in one place or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Therefore
, in my opinion, the council
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
support all the branch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
equally
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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