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Modern cultures around the world have become similar as past. What are the main reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Modern cultures around the world have become similar as past. What are the main reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Since the existence of the universe to till today, human beings have gone through different cultures. After every certain time with the birth of new lives, new thinking also comes into existence which also brings variety in culture. In each culture, there is a combination of older ones and new ones. However, current culture has become equivalent to the ancient one. There could be many possible reasons behind it. This change could not be said completely as positive or negative. First and foremost reason, in the way of seeking novelty, individuals reach to an extent where they could not find more behind it, hence to satisfy their needs, they bring old fashion into the trend. For example, in the context of attire, we can see people today wearing traditional clothes like sari for females and Kurta pyjamas for males. Moreover, whether or not it is acceptable for people to follow old tradition, they have no option available because of forces from elder once of the family. For instance, having meal with all the family members is indeed the indicator of previous culture which was invisible few years ago. Now considering its acceptability, ancient culture has brought control over the human tendency of being too forward. Modern people with open minds, crossed all the limits like, wearing habit in the feminine gender, disrespect towards elders etc. Where recalling them the eastern culture was only the option left to fulfil them with moral values. However, bringing reformatories is quite essential to push the development. Get stuck to old culture and not to apply new working method becomes barrier in the way of flourishing. Undoubtedly, conservative approach in some aspects still prevails is not a wise thing. Like, biased view of women everywhere and do not let them be with the level of men. Conclusively, the presence of old culture today Is precisely good fact, except in some matters like rigidity, discrimination in genders and so on.
Since the existence of the universe to till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, human beings have gone through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. After every certain time with the birth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thinking
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into existence which
also
brings variety in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, there is a combination of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has become equivalent to the ancient one. There could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible reasons behind it. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
could not
be said
completely as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

First
and foremost reason, in the way of seeking novelty, individuals reach to an extent where they could not find more behind it,
hence
to satisfy their needs, they bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
fashion into the trend.
For example
, in the context of attire, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
wearing traditional clothes like sari for females and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kurta
Possible spelling mistake. 'pyjamas' is British English.
pyjamas
for males.
Moreover
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
it is acceptable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
tradition, they have no option available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of forces from elder once of the family.
For instance
, having meal with all the family members is
indeed
the indicator of previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which was invisible few years ago.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
considering its acceptability, ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has brought control over the human tendency of being too forward. Modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with open minds, crossed all the limits like, wearing habit in the feminine gender, disrespect towards elders etc.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
recalling them the eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to fulfil them with moral values.

However
, bringing reformatories is quite essential to push the development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Get
stuck to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and not to apply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
working method becomes barrier in the way of flourishing.
Undoubtedly
, conservative approach in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects
still
prevails is not a wise thing. Like, biased view of women everywhere and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them be with the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Conclusively
, the presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
Is
precisely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fact, except in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matters like rigidity, discrimination in genders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Modern cultures around the world have become similar as past. What are the main reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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