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Modern cultures around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Modern cultures around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Nowadays, cultures and traditions in numerous countries around the world are identical in contrast to the past. This essay will discuss that the main reasons behind this similarity are influence of western culture and the emergence of social media and state that this is an overall very welcome development. In this day and age, advertisements are ubiquitous and play a pivotal role in promoting latest trend and fashion followed by some developed countries. Many developing nations are trying to adapt to the modern culture, whether it is about food, clothes or music. Furthermore, with the advent of the internet and social media, the world has become a very small place and it has become easier to talk to anyone, anywhere and know about their culture. For example, in social networking sites, such as Facebook, people can join groups having common interests and take part in discussions. Therefore, modern technology as well as the media plays a vital role in the similarity of cultures in a myriad of nations. This is deemed as a positive development for the growth and prosperity of underdeveloped countries. When people travel abroad, it is often comforting to use leisure amenities which they enjoy at home. For instance, people can eat in their favourite food joint and listen to the same kind of music. This helps in the economy of a nation as trade flourishes and attracts more tourists. In conclusion, technological invention is the main cause why cultures and societies are becoming more congruent. It is considered as an optimistic growth as people are coming closer as they enjoy similar cultures around the globe.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions in numerous countries around the world are identical
in contrast
to the past. This essay will discuss that the main reasons behind this similarity are influence of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the emergence of social media and state that this is an
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
welcome development.

In this day and age, advertisements are ubiquitous and play a pivotal role in promoting
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trend and fashion followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developing nations are trying to adapt to the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, whether it is about food, clothes or music.
Furthermore
, with the advent of the internet and social media, the world has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
place and it has become easier to talk to anyone, anywhere and know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, in social networking sites, such as Facebook,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
groups having common interests and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in discussions.
Therefore
, modern technology
as well
as the media plays a vital role in the similarity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in a myriad of nations.

This
is deemed
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the growth and prosperity of underdeveloped countries. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel abroad, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
comforting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
leisure amenities which they enjoy at home.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can eat in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
food joint and listen to the same kind of music. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the economy of a nation as trade flourishes and attracts more tourists.

In conclusion
, technological invention is the main cause why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and societies are becoming more congruent. It
is considered
as an optimistic growth as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are coming closer as they enjoy similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
around the globe.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Modern cultures around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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