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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.6

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 6
Nowadays, a lot of diseases spread not only among growing up but also the youngest. The most common one is obesity which happened because of many reasons like poor diet and the sedentary behavior but it can be solved by healthy diet and training. By the end of this essay, the main causes and possible solutions to the overweight problem, will be outlined. Firstly, although overweight was used to be one of adulthood diseases but it became more and more popular at younger age. Obesity epidemic increased among children because of their unhealthy diet. This sort of diet consists of junk food, such as potato chips and candy, which has low nutrients and high calories. Actually, the survey, made by Cairo university during years 2005 and 2010 on group of students aged between 10 to 15 years old, showed that the rising rates of obesity related to the mount of junk food used by adolescence. Another undeniable reason is sedentary lifestyle, younger people spent most of their time, sitting in front of a screen, whether it be television, a computer, or a smartphone. In fact, studies have shown that children in recent years tend to get any exercise compared to two hours per day just a many years ago. Secondly, these significant problems could be solved if parents and governments act. If the parents play a superior role in controlling what their children eat, it will avoid them from eating unhealthy food. For the government’s part, they can prevent the promotion of unhealthy food to children. Similarly, parents need to make a greater effort to ensure their children are getting sufficient exercise on a daily basis. While, if the government establish many competitions in the schools, rewarded by grades, it will encourage children to be more athletes. For instance, the studies showed that the balance between energy intake presented by eating healthy food and loose it by exercising can led to have more healthy children. To conclude, the rise in the number of adulthood’s diseases as obesity among children is certainly worrying. While junk food and lack of sports causes overweight problem, it can be solved by better nutrition and involve sports in children’s life. We all should make sure that the next generation grows up healthy and strong.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases spread not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
among growing up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the youngest. The most common one is obesity which happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons like poor diet and the sedentary behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be solved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and training. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this essay, the main causes and possible solutions to the overweight problem, will
be outlined
.

Firstly
, although overweight was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be one of adulthood diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it became more and more popular at younger age. Obesity epidemic increased among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unhealthy diet. This sort of diet consists of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as potato chips and candy, which has low nutrients and high calories. Actually, the survey, made by Cairo university during years 2005 and 2010 on group of students aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 10 and 15".
between 10 to 15
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the rising rates of obesity related to the mount of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by adolescence. Another undeniable reason is sedentary lifestyle, younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent most of their time, sitting in front of a screen, whether it be television, a computer, or a smartphone. In fact, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in recent years tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any exercise compared to two hours per day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago.

Secondly
, these significant problems could
be solved
if parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
act. If the parents play a superior role in controlling what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat, it will avoid them from eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. For the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s part, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the promotion of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Similarly
, parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a greater effort to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting sufficient exercise on a daily basis. While, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
establish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
competitions in the schools, rewarded by grades, it will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more athletes.
For instance
, the studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the balance between energy intake presented by eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and loose it by exercising can led to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
children.

To conclude
, the rise in the number of adulthood’s diseases as obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
certainly
worrying. While junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lack of sports causes overweight problem, it can
be solved
by better nutrition and involve sports in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. We all should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the
next
generation grows up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and strong.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
379 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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