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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.4

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 4
Obesity has become a phenomenon nowadays not only among elderly people, but also among children. These such problems were not presence in the past. Both causes and solutions for this crisis will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, the main reason for such phenomenon is junk food, especially, when franchises such as MacDonald’s and KFC try to target children with their advertisements. As we can see, there are meals that are made for enfants only such as happy meal that always includes a toy. Healthy meals have been replaced by fast food meals in schools and kindergartens recently. For a prime example, the New York Times has published a recent study illustrates that about 100 millions of happy meal meals are sold in the United States only every year and this is considered as a huge number. Therefore, this example has shown how fast food meals are the main cause of obesity among enfants. On the other hand, the most effective solution for this disaster is the awareness of parent as if parents take the responsibilty of feeding their children healthy food instead of fatty food upon their shoulders, this number of obese children will be limited. In other words, children need to eat a perfect meal that contains carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins. For instance, eating meat besides rice and salads in one meal is enough for their body to get its requirements. Thus, healthy body will not be achieved without healthy food in which all ingredients that the body needs included. In conclusion, enfants will not get a normal body without avoiding junk food and they will need to get a perfect nutrition to become healthier when they become adults. I recommend that the authorities raise their awareness in schools.
Obesity has become a phenomenon nowadays not
only
among elderly
people
,
but
also
among
children
. These such problems were not presence in the past. Both causes and solutions for this crisis will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, the main reason for such phenomenon is junk
food
,
especially
, when franchises such as MacDonald’s and KFC try to target
children
with their advertisements. As we can
see
, there are
meals
that
are made
for
enfants
only
such as happy
meal
that always includes a toy.
Healthy
meals
have
been replaced
by
fast
food
meals
in schools and kindergartens recently. For a prime example, the New York Times has published a recent study illustrates that about
100 millions of
happy
meal
meals
are sold
in the United States
only
every year and this
is considered
as a huge number.
Therefore
, this example has shown how
fast
food
meals
are the main cause of obesity among
enfants
.

On the other hand
, the most effective solution for this disaster is the awareness of parent as if parents take the
responsibilty
of feeding their
children
healthy
food
instead
of fatty
food
upon their shoulders, this number of obese
children
will
be limited
.
In other words
,
children
need to eat a perfect
meal
that contains carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins.
For instance
, eating meat
besides
rice and salads in one
meal
is
enough
for their
body
to
get
its requirements.
Thus
,
healthy
body
will not
be achieved
without
healthy
food
in which all ingredients that the
body
needs included.

In conclusion
,
enfants
will not
get
a normal
body
without avoiding junk
food and
they will need to
get
a perfect nutrition to become healthier when they become adults. I recommend that the authorities raise their awareness in schools.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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