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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.6

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 6
In today's competitive world, people are working longer hours than they used to do in the past; as a result, they get very little time for leisure activities. Spending less time on relaxing activities can have a negative impact on emotional and physical health although it can help people to save more money. This essay describes both the advantages and the disadvantages of working late and getting a little time to relax, moreover, I believe this has more disadvantages. The major advantages of working long hours and spending less time on leisure activities are earning and saving more money. Firstly, in most developed countries wages are paid on an hourly basis, which means by working long hours’ people can earn more money. Secondly, it has been observed that some of the leisure activities are expensive and getting less time for these activities can help individuals to save more money. For example, some people consider shopping as a leisure activity; therefore, they can save the most amount of money by getting little or no time for shopping. However, working late and getting less time to relax can adversely affect one’s personal and professional life. Firstly, it can increase the level of stress because of work pressure. Secondly, getting less personal time can lead towards depression. Thirdly, working long hours and getting less time to relax or workout can negatively affect one’s physical health. In conclusion, although working extra hours and spending less time on relaxing activities can help in saving more money; however, the disadvantages of working long hours and spending less time on leisure activities exceed the advantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competitive world,
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people
are
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working
longer
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hours
than they
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used
to do in the past;
as a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
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time
for
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on relaxing
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activities
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on emotional and physical health although it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
to save more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
both the advantages and the disadvantages of
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working
late and getting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
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time
to relax,
moreover
, I believe this has more disadvantages.

The major advantages of
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
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spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are earning and saving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
, in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
wages
are paid
on an hourly basis, which means by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn more
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money
.
Secondly
, it has
been observed
that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
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leisure
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activities
are expensive and getting
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less
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time
for these
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activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to save more
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money
.
For example
,
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some
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people
consider shopping as a
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leisure
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activity
;
therefore
, they can save the most amount of
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money
by getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
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time
for shopping.

However
,
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working
late and getting
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less
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time
to relax can
adversely
affect one’s personal and professional life.
Firstly
, it can increase the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work pressure.
Secondly
, getting
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less
personal
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time
can lead towards depression.
Thirdly
,
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax or workout can
negatively
affect one’s physical health.

In conclusion
, although
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working
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in saving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
;
however
, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
exceed the advantages.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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