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Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. v. 4
Humankind has always been curious since the beginning of the adventure on this planet. The journey started with the discovery of fire and it continues the new interest is the exploration of other planets. Whereas travelling to space seems a fascinating experience for many people, this is so costly experience for humanity. This essay agrees that the number of these missions needs to be decreased since Earth has tremendous problems that require the attention of residents such as global warming and poverty. In my opinion, the number of these missions needs to be decreased. Firstly, the biggest problem on our planet is global warming. Climate has changed dramatically in the last decades. For example, arctic ices in the north pole have been melting, the consequences of this situation are going to be dramatic in world history. This is so hazardous for northern European countries such as the Netherlands and Finland. There is a high risk that the land of these countries might be acquired by oceanic water, so many people may lose their homes. Therefore, we should spend this money on the global warming problem rather than space exploration. Secondly, besides global warming, another big problem for humanity is poverty. For instance, In Africa, so many people suffer from poverty and poor nutrition intake. Recent statistics reveal that every year in the Dark Continent 1% of the children’s population die due to poverty. Hence, wealthy governments can lift up the economy of these underdeveloped countries rather than spending fortunes on space exploration phenomena. In conclusion, the planet has more crucial problems that are mentioned in this essay. As a result, the missions for space exploration requires less attention and people should focus on the issues of their home first rather than low priority problems.
Humankind has always been curious since the beginning of the adventure on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. The journey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the discovery of fire and it continues the new interest is the exploration of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
. Whereas travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
seems a fascinating experience for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
costly experience for humanity. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the number of these missions needs to
be decreased
since Earth has tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that require the attention of residents such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. In my opinion, the number of these missions needs to
be decreased
.

Firstly
, the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
. Climate has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
in the last decades.
For example
, arctic ices in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
north pole
have been melting, the consequences of this situation are going to be dramatic in world history. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hazardous for northern European countries such as the Netherlands and Finland. There is a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that the land of these countries might
be acquired
by oceanic water,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose their homes.
Therefore
, we should spend this money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration.

Secondly
,
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for humanity is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
For instance
, In Africa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and poor nutrition intake. Recent statistics reveal that every year in the Dark Continent 1% of the children’s population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
Hence
, wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
the economy of these underdeveloped countries
rather
than spending fortunes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration phenomena.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
has more crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
are mentioned
in this essay.
As a result
, the missions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration requires less attention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should focus on the issues of their home
first
rather
than low priority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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