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Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. v.1

Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. v. 1
Nowadays, Exploring universe is becoming popular because of growing machinery and greater enhancements in advanced tools. For many countries, especially developed and under developed nations are allocating more budget to study the solar system in depth. However, there are both pros and cons of spending money on this. I will completely agree that this mission should be continued further to improve technology to a greater extent or the next level. Owing to the technology change, Demand for the source of many materials, increasing and to overcome this space exploration is must. Even though the huge amount spends on mission, the data collected and transmitted to earth has valuable insights. Many scientific theories produced are the result of a study space. Instance, Due to space exploration now scientist is able to study about black hole theory and prove Newton's work are not real. In their study, they are able to find faster materials than the speed of light. Also nowadays it has made possible to forecast weather reports in advance and provide greater internet connectivity. For Example, Now companies have started implementing 5G technology for smooth connection. Instead to reduce missions the rockets, re-usability can be made possible. For example SpaceX founded by Elon Musk recently launched a Falcon heavy vehicle which carries satellites into space and performs safe landing of rockets which will make cheaper. To conclude, Money spent on space has greater advantage since it helps to improve technology and develop more advanced theories and to forecast weather report.
Nowadays, Exploring universe is becoming popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of growing machinery and greater enhancements in advanced tools. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
developed and under developed nations are allocating more budget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the solar system in depth.
However
, there are both pros and cons of spending money on this. I will completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this mission should
be continued
further
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to a greater extent or the
next
level.

Owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, Demand for the source of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
materials, increasing and to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
Even though
the huge amount spends on mission, the data collected and transmitted to earth has valuable insights.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientific theories produced are the result of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
. Instance, Due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
scientist is able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
about black hole theory and prove Newton's work are not real. In their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they are able to find faster materials than the speed of light.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
nowadays it has made possible to forecast weather reports in advance and provide greater internet connectivity.
For Example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
implementing 5G
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for smooth connection.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
missions the rockets, re-usability can
be made
possible.
For example
SpaceX founded by Elon Musk recently launched a Falcon heavy vehicle which carries satellites into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and performs safe landing of rockets which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cheaper.

To conclude
, Money spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
has greater advantage since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and develop more advanced theories and to forecast weather report.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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