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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7
It is believed that there is an abrupt change in the life style of people in almost in every domain, be it communication, travel, health and psychology. Consequently, the lifestyle is influencing the relationships of family in both positive and negative manner. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of life style on family relationships. On the one hand, the life style changes are primarily seen in both communication and travel. Firstly, the technology improved the communication between family members and one can reach out their immediate family and other relatives in matter of seconds over internet and mobile phone. For example, people living abroad away from their parents can stay in touch almost every day with the help of audio and video calling facilities of mobile phones. Secondly, the people can travel to any remote part of the world using various modes of transportation such as improved road, rail and air facilities. Presently, anybody can reach any place in few days, unlike few months earlier. In turn, this helps in maintaining healthy relationships between family members as they can be physically and mentally available to others. On the other hand, families are adopting unhealthy practices both physically and psychologically. This is mostly due to the changing life style choices accessible for people. For instance, people are increasingly dependent on fast food, which is causing conflicts between elder and younger family members as there is a disagreement over what is healthy and what unhealthy. Further, the present generation is hurrying to reach the financial stability early in their career. With the availability of home and car loans in a quicker way, they are buying houses and cars in a hurried manner. However, this is putting lots of financial burden on their shoulders and there is always a risk of not re-paying the loan if the job is lost. Elders of family are against this tendency as this would put the younger generation under tremendous stress and pressure. To conclude, it can be seen clearly that the plus points of increased family relationships is seen with the positive changes in communication and travel. Also, people can choose to abandon the junk food as well as their bad financial practices, which is under their control.
It
is believed
that there is an abrupt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in almost in every domain, be it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
, health and psychology.
Consequently
, the lifestyle is influencing the relationships of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
manner. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
Firstly
, the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and one can reach out their immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and other relatives in matter of seconds over internet and mobile phone.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living abroad away from their parents can stay in touch almost every day with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of audio and video calling facilities of mobile phones.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to any remote part of the world using various modes of transportation such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
road, rail and air facilities.
Presently
, anybody can reach any place in few days, unlike few months earlier. In turn, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in maintaining healthy relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members as they can be
physically
and mentally available to others.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are adopting unhealthy practices both
physically
and
psychologically
. This is
mostly
due to the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
choices accessible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
dependent on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which is causing conflicts between elder and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members as there is a disagreement over what is healthy and what unhealthy.
Further
, the present generation is hurrying to reach the financial stability early in their career. With the availability of home and car loans in a quicker way, they are buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and cars
Consider replacing "in a hurried manner" with the adverb for "hurried"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a hurried manner
.
However
, this is putting lots of financial burden on their shoulders and there is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of not re-paying the loan if the job
is lost
. Elders of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are against this tendency as this would put the younger generation under tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure.

To conclude
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that the plus points of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose to abandon the junk food
as well
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
financial practices, which is under their control.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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