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Migration to a foreign country can have negative effects on children, some may disagree v.1

Migration to a foreign country can have negative effects on children, some may disagree v. 1
Migrating to foreign countries for work is not a new trend, but in recent years there has been a rapid rise in it, especially in the case of individuals who take his/her spouse and children with them. In this essay we will examine the positive and negative effects of migration on children. To begin with, one of the biggest reasons a person migrates to a foreign country is because they want to provide a better life for their spouse and children and this can bring lots of benefits to them. Working overseas provides better working opportunity, which leads to better income and it will allow the individual to give their children a better life. Countries such as Australia, Canada provide better and more affordable education among many other developed countries, migrating to one of these countries will help children get exposure not just great education will enhance their knowledge and skills and this will also open opportunities for them to study in top universities when they decided to go to college. On the other hand, there are chances that bringing family members to overseas can have a negative impact on them, especially in the case of children who might struggle psychologically. Children unlike adults take longer time to integrate in a new culture. At early stages of migratory children often start missing their friends from back home contributing to loneliness and homesickness. Secondly, when kids from English speaking countries move to non-English speaking the language can be a barrier to them and when unable keep up with other students due to linguistic ability leading to stress and struggle academically. At last, to conclude in my opinion initially children like foreign students who migrate for education overseas will find it difficult to integrate into new culture and language, but once time passes and they are used to the culture and language the barriers will come down and children will start mingling better and enjoy the opportunities provided
Migrating to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for work is not a new trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in recent years there has been a rapid rise in it,
especially
in the case of individuals who take his/her spouse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with them. In this essay we will examine the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of migration on children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the biggest reasons a person migrates to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life for their spouse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this can bring lots of benefits to them. Working overseas provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
working opportunity, which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
income and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the individual to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
such as Australia, Canada provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and more affordable education among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, migrating to one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
great education will enhance their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and this will
also
open opportunities for them to study in top universities when they decided to go to college.

On the other hand
, there are chances that bringing family members to overseas can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them,
especially
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who might struggle
psychologically
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
unlike adults take longer time to integrate in a new culture. At early stages of migratory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
missing their friends from back home contributing to loneliness and homesickness.
Secondly
, when kids from
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to non-English speaking the language can be a barrier to them and when unable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with other students due to linguistic ability leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and struggle
academically
.

At last,
to conclude
in my opinion
initially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like foreign students who migrate for education overseas will find it difficult to integrate into new culture and language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passes and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the culture and language the barriers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
mingling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and enjoy the opportunities provided
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Migration to a foreign country can have negative effects on children, some may disagree v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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