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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay with the family. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay with the family. v. 1
There are split opinion regarding how some set of guardians influenced their grownups to attain freedom by allowing them to reside alone, away from their family, whereas, another group of thinkers discourage such independence. However, both have its pros and cons, therefore, before commenting on my decision, both views will be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the argument that supporters will put forward is that grownups should be able to fend for themselves as this will build up their level of confidence and this will help them with the full fledged understanding of the outside world. For example, a matured child under his parents will be reluctant to take risks and think faster while making some major decisions, as it is observed in the Spanish journal of the year 2000, it is written that most millionaires within the age- range of 45-50years are young lad who left their household to pursue their goals. On the contrary, the latter view suggests that minor that has advanced in years should still remain with family, they are of the view that there are more possibilities of uncouth behaviour and peer pressure, which might be mishandled by the individual. Besides this, the young lad will still benefit more from his nuclear family, as they are the first set of people he ever lived with. In fact, there is assurance of understanding from them, unlike what a total stranger will offer. To conclude, and give my opinion, I would say that encouraging a matured child confidence is best achieved by allowing him leave home, because there would be the opportunity to take risks and make major decision even though he must develop ways to cope with peer pressure.
There
are split
opinion regarding how
some
set of guardians influenced their grownups to attain freedom by allowing them to reside alone, away from their family, whereas, another group of thinkers
discourage
such independence.

However
, both have its pros and cons,
therefore
,
before
commenting on my decision, both views will
be discussed
.

Examining the former opinion, the argument that supporters will put forward is that grownups should be able to fend for themselves as this will build up their level of confidence and this will
help
them with the full fledged understanding of the outside world.
For example
, a matured child under his parents will be reluctant to take
risks
and
think
faster while making
some
major decisions, as it
is observed
in the Spanish journal of the year 2000, it
is written
that most millionaires within the age- range of 45-50years are young lad who
left
their household to pursue their goals.

On the contrary
, the latter view suggests that minor that has advanced in years should
still
remain with family, they are of the view that there are more possibilities of uncouth
behaviour
and peer pressure, which might
be mishandled
by the individual.

Besides
this, the young lad will
still
benefit more from his nuclear family, as they are the
first
set of
people
he ever
lived
with. In fact, there is assurance of understanding from them, unlike what a total stranger will offer.

To conclude
, and give my opinion, I would say that encouraging a matured child confidence is best achieved by allowing him
leave
home,
because
there would be the opportunity to take
risks
and
make
major decision
even though
he
must
develop ways to cope with peer pressure.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay with the family. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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