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Men sports get more attention than women sports. In your opinion, it is a positive or negative development. Please give your opinion. v.1

Men sports get more attention than women sports. In your opinion, it is a positive or negative development. Please give your opinion. v. 1
Women have been subject to ignorance since immemorial times in this male-dominant society, which also implies that male sports get more attraction than women sports. In this regard, some people propound that it is justifiable that men playing games invariably get more eyeballs, but there are many who convincingly refute it; hence with this dissenting opinion, we see emerging a new discourse. To be candid, I corroborate that in this world of inequality, women sports must also gain the equal interest of people, which is very essential for the development of our society. Lack of attention in women sports poses devastating consequences on women, both mentally and socially, but what is most worrisome is that it is deteriorating women’s confidence. As a result, reduction in women motivation and self-esteem is inevitable. Self-confidence is indispensable in almost every aspect of life, on the contrary, girls emerge from adolescence with poor self-image and relatively low expectations from life. Hence, with low confidence women start doubting their abilities and are likely to have troubles excelling and achieving great things in life. The unequal attention in sports may seem minimal to some, but is discrimination nonetheless. The media, for example, present sports as if there are masculine (e. g. , football and ice hockey) and feminine (e. g. , gymnastics and figure skating) sports, aligning with traditional expectations of male and female athletes, which makes it more difficult to break traditional gender barriers and allowing women to participate in masculine sports and men to participate in feminine sports. In fact, many female athletes are only accepted by society and receive coverage in the media if they participate in traditionally feminine sports. If a woman dares to participate in a masculine sport, their sexuality is immediately questioned In conclusion, although few nominal forces have been grappling unsuccessfully with the issue of women-inequality, some substantial efforts are required to create enabling environment for women, which may seem onerous task but it is indispensable for the betterment of women and society as well. Otherwise, women-ignorance will be biggest blot on conscience of what we call civilised society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
have been subject to ignorance since immemorial times in this male-dominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which
also
implies that male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attraction than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
propound that it is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
justifiable


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
playing games
invariably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more eyeballs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who
convincingly
refute it;
hence
with this dissenting opinion, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
emerging a new discourse. To be candid, I corroborate that in this world of inequality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
gain the equal interest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for the development of our society.

Lack of attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
poses devastating consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, both mentally and
socially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what is most worrisome is that it is deteriorating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
confidence.
As a result
, reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
motivation and self-esteem is inevitable. Self-confidence is indispensable in almost every aspect of life,
on the contrary
, girls emerge from adolescence with poor self-image and
relatively
low expectations from life.
Hence
, with low confidence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doubting their abilities and are likely to have troubles excelling and achieving great things in life.

The unequal attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may seem minimal to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is discrimination nonetheless. The media,
for example
, present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as if there are masculine (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
football and ice hockey) and feminine (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
gymnastics and figure skating)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, aligning with traditional expectations of male and female athletes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it more difficult to break traditional gender barriers and allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in masculine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in feminine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
female athletes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and receive coverage in the media if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
traditionally
feminine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. If a woman dares to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in a masculine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, their sexuality is immediately
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
questioned


In conclusion
, although few nominal forces have been grappling
unsuccessfully
with the issue of women-inequality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
substantial efforts
are required
to create enabling environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, which may seem onerous task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is indispensable for the betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
.
Otherwise
, women-ignorance will be
A determiner is probably missing here: "the biggest".
biggest
blot on conscience of what we call
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilised' is British English.
civilised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Men sports get more attention than women sports. In your opinion, it is a positive or negative development. Please give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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