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Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age discuss both views and give your opinion v.3

Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age 3
The optimum age for children to start school has engendered controversy amongst the public. While some people believe the earlier the better, I am on board with those who argue for a later than 7 years old. Advocate of an early school time for children cite their good memory as a crucial factor. A growing body of studies reveal that it is the the age of three when children are best at memorizing and imitating. If children can receive education at that time, more chances are that they would acquire more knowledge, which gives them a critical edge over others who start school late down the road in study. However, the problem with such argument is that memory is not the only factor that affects students’ academic performance, and I believe, considerations like mental stability and independence are more vitally important. Children, around 3 years old, tend to be more attached to their parents, and forcing them to leave their beloved ones and integrate into a totally unfamiliar atmosphere simply means too much stress for them, which could do a disservice to their mental health. As a result, not only affect their study but also ruin their life later on. So I agree with those who argue for a later-than-7-years-old school age, as children at that age tend to be more psychologically ready to embrace challenges and socialize with peers. Raising questions when necessary, expressing own ideas confidently, and sharing opinions with peers, 7-years-old children are more proactive and cooperative in school, which would equip them with more soft and hard skills, and optimize their learning outcome. Take Finland and Denmark as examples, where students attend schools relatively late but achieve better academic outcome in the world. To conclude, despite children memorize things more effectively and efficiently at an early age, only when they are ready can schools nurture them into overall healthy and knowledgeable young citizens.
The optimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has engendered controversy amongst the public. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the earlier the'. Did you mean "earlier the"?
the earlier the
better, I am on board with those who argue for a later than 7 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Advocate of an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cite their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memory as a crucial factor. A growing body of studies reveal that it is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of three when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are best at memorizing and imitating. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can receive education at that time, more chances are that they would acquire more knowledge, which gives them a critical edge over others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
late down the road in study.
However
, the problem with such argument is that memory is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor that affects students’ academic performance, and I believe, considerations like mental stability and independence are more
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, around 3 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, tend to be more attached to their parents, and forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their beloved ones and integrate into a
totally
unfamiliar atmosphere
simply
means too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for them, which could do a disservice to their mental health.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ruin their life later on.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who argue for a later-than-7-years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
tend to be more
psychologically
ready to embrace challenges and socialize with peers. Raising questions when necessary, expressing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
confidently
, and sharing opinions with peers, 7-years-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more proactive and cooperative in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which would equip them with more soft and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and optimize their learning outcome. Take Finland and Denmark as examples, where students attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
relatively
late
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
achieve better academic outcome in the world.

To conclude
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
memorize things more
effectively
and
efficiently
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they are ready can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "school"
schools
nurture them into
overall
healthy and knowledgeable young citizens.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people think that formal education should start for children as early as possible While others think that it should not start until 7 years of age 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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