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Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measures can be taken to deal with it? v.1

Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measures can be taken to deal with it? v. 1
Over the last decade, more and more people, such as nurses and doctors have been leaving their native country to move to wealthier places in order to obtain a better job. This clearly happens due to the fact that individuals seek for warranties in their lives when they are young. To deal with this problem, there are a number of solutions which should be implemented. Firstly, the reason for people to migrate is because of social and political issues. In other words, the country they want to leave does not offer stability in terms of jobs. For example, a large number of employees work with no permanent contract or, even worse, they are paid without it. Secondly, these professions pay more abroad, therefore, due to better incomes, people leave their native country. As a result, a large number of individuals leave because they do not want to put in their effort into making their country a better place to live. In order to avoid this problem, there are two effective solutions. One way to tackle this is by ensuring that the political system is not being corrupted. This would mean that everyone would have equal opportunities in obtaining a job. Another method of dealing with migration is by improving what is wrong in the country they want to leave. If people are not happy with their salary, bu giving them a raise, they could be encouraged and do better at work. This could clearly be a reason why people should stay rather than migrate. To conclude, if those solutions were put into practice, there would not be so many people leaving their country in order to find abroad what they could find without leaving.
Over the last decade, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as nurses and doctors have been leaving their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to wealthier places in order to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job. This
clearly
happens due to the fact that individuals seek for warranties in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they are young. To deal with this problem, there are a number of solutions which should
be implemented
.

Firstly
, the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to migrate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of social and political issues.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
does not offer stability in terms of jobs.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
employees work with no permanent contract or, even worse, they
are paid
without it.
Secondly
, these professions pay more abroad,
therefore
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
incomes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to put in their effort into making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In order to avoid this problem, there are two effective solutions. One way to tackle this is by ensuring that the political system is not
being corrupted
. This would mean that everyone would have equal opportunities in obtaining a job. Another method of dealing with migration is by improving what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not happy with their salary,
Make sure that 'bu' is an abbreviation (bureau, bushel). Did you mean "by", "but", "bug", or "bus"?
bu
giving them a raise, they could
be encouraged
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at work. This could
clearly
be a reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay
rather
than migrate.

To conclude
, if those solutions
were put
into practice, there would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to find abroad what they could find without leaving.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measures can be taken to deal with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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