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Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poor countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measure can be taken to deal with it? v.2

Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poor countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measure can be taken to deal with it? v. 2
Over the years, a lot of people linked to the medical profession tend to leave their poverty-stricken native countries and move to wealthier places in order to get a better job. There are several reasons associated with this trend which causes a variety of problems in their countries. However, there are viable measures which can be implemented by the government to tackle this issue. Firstly, people taking such steps are insecure due to the social and political conditions of their country. This is to say that they are unsure if they will be able to find an appropriate job with the respectable salary to justice their hard work and profession. Moreover, the significant problem associated with such a step effects nationwide. The country faces the loss of good doctors, which eventually worsens the whole medical system. It has been reported by the department of health sciences in South Asia that 80% of their medical graduates tend to work for Middle Eastern countries due to the best career opportunities they offer. Consequently, this imposes a threat on their own medical departments. There are two effective solutions to the problem of migrating medical professionals. One way to tackle this situation is for the government to ensure stability within the job sector. In other words, people should get jobs on the basis of merit and there should be enough career opportunities provided to them. Another method to deal with this situation is to give them sufficient perks to stay back in their native home town. Keeping in mind the medical professionals and how challenging their job is, they should be offered good salaries equivalent to their worth, like the other countries do. To conclude, while there are problems associated with the trend of migrating, they can be solved by taking a long term approach. Our government has a crucial part to play in restoring the talent within their country by securing their future through good jobs and handsome salaries.
Over the years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
linked to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
profession tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their poverty-stricken native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to wealthier places in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There are several reasons associated with this trend which causes a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, there are viable measures which can
be implemented
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to tackle this issue.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking such steps are insecure due to the social and political conditions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is to say that they are unsure if they will be able to find an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with the respectable salary to justice their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and profession.
Moreover
, the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with such a step effects nationwide. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
faces the loss of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
doctors, which
eventually
worsens the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
system. It has
been reported
by the department of health sciences in South Asia that 80% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
graduates tend to work for Middle Eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to the best career opportunities they offer.
Consequently
, this imposes a threat on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
departments.

There are two effective solutions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of migrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals. One way to tackle this situation is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to ensure stability within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sector.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
on the basis of merit and there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
career opportunities provided to them. Another method to deal with this situation is to give them sufficient perks to stay back in their native home town. Keeping in mind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals and how challenging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is, they should
be offered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries equivalent to their worth, like the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do.

To conclude
, while there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with the trend of migrating, they can
be solved
by taking a long term approach. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a crucial part to play in restoring the talent within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by securing their future through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and handsome salaries.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poor countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measure can be taken to deal with it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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