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Media The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars famines accidents and crime Why do you think that is DO you think news should be a balance of both good and bad news v.1

Media The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars famines accidents and crime Why do you think that is DO you think news should be a balance of both good and bad news v. 1
Certain people choose to become entrepreneurs rather than working as an employee, in recent days. This is owing to the fact that some people cannot tolerate bossism because of ego factors. However, setting a new business includes a lot of risk in terms of investment, predicting the future challenges and continuous effort and determination which ultimately can cause anxiety issues. This essay will discuss why people choose to be self-employed and disadvantages of being so, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Firms are always managed by higher officials and it is mandatory for each employee to follow those orders, though it is against some individuals. For instance, In multinational companies, rules and regulations are defined and directed by the Board of Directors and CEO's and hence there is no escape for every individual in this scenario, irrespective of their situation. If an employee need to take any vacation, it has to be prior approved by manager and sometimes manager can deny it, which hinder some people and hence establishing their own business with their talent and skill. As a result, they do not face any bossism, disrespect and can work flexibly in their working hours. However, being self-employed is a struggle in the initial days because there is no monthly salary, which people get when they are employees and moreover giving a sense of job insecurity. It is the responsibility of the individual to look after the business and should be ready to bear the risks in life. People sometimes need to work for 24 hours a day in order to improve productivity, while this is not necessary when working for a company. Despite of hard work, due to some circumstances, people still need to face challenges due to other factors that come into consideration and ultimately leading to a stressful life causing damage to health. In conclusion, ego factors which arise when working under a superior is the main cause for choosing to be self-employed. However, such people need to be challenging to face problems in life being self-employed.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to become entrepreneurs
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, in recent days. This is owing to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot tolerate bossism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of ego factors.
However
, setting a new business includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in terms of investment, predicting the future challenges and continuous effort and determination which
ultimately
can cause anxiety issues. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be self-employed and disadvantages of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Firms are always managed by higher officials and it is mandatory for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to follow those orders, though it is against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals.
For instance
, In multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations
are defined
and directed by the Board of Directors and CEO's and
hence
there is no escape for every individual in this scenario, irrespective of their situation. If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take any vacation, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be prior approved by manager and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
manager can deny it, which hinder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
hence
establishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business with their talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
As a result
, they do not face any bossism, disrespect and can work
flexibly
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

However
, being self-employed is a struggle in the initial days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no monthly salary, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
moreover
giving a sense of job insecurity. It is the responsibility of the individual to look after the business and should be ready to bear the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work for 24 hours a day in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
productivity, while this is not necessary when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to face challenges due to other factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into consideration and
ultimately
leading to a stressful life causing damage to health.

In conclusion
, ego factors which arise when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under a superior is the main cause for choosing to be self-employed.
However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be challenging
Did you mean "facing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to face
problems in life being self-employed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Media The majority of news being reported is bad news such as wars famines accidents and crime Why do you think that is DO you think news should be a balance of both good and bad news v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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