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Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v.2

Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v. 2
We come across both types of people, those who have either been rich and famous without any talent and people having genuine talent but are not valued or appreciated. We always wonder why some are born with a silver spoon in mouth. Children of a royal family, for instance, would always make others jealous. They may choose to live wealthily without having to do anything when they grow up, being mere caretakers of their huge ancestral property. Similar is the case of royalty income which benefits even the children of talented people in professions like singing and writing. Some other people too are very lucky, or we can say that stars favour them. They accidentally find hidden treasures or win tottery and become rich. Their lifestyle, then, makes them famous. This is the power of luck! Without it favouring, many geniuses (scientists, archaeologists etc. ) die an anonymous death without meeting success even after a plenty of researches. Many rags to riches stories of celebrities like J K Rowling and Oprah Winfrey, on the other hand, make us believe in success due to talent. Then, why every talented person is not rich and famous? Firstly, not every talented person targets fame and riches. For those who were ambitious enough to aim for it but could not achieve may have failed due to reasons like not getting appropriate exposure, not having knowledge to market the talent, suffering mass opposition, having bad luck, missing opportunities, inability to use current technology and so on. Thus, talent needs to club with a positive attitude, hard work and the support of surroundings for real success. I think talent always stands a chance to kiss success in the form of name, fame and money, but without talent, it is pure luck that brings such success and it can only be short-term as the person will soon be forgotten.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across both types of
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people
, those who have either been
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rich
and

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
genuine
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talent
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but
are not valued

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or
appreciated.

We always wonder why
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some
are born
with a silver spoon in mouth. Children

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
a royal family,
for instance
, would always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
others jealous. They
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
may


choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
wealthily
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
to do anything when they grow up,

being mere caretakers of their huge ancestral property. Similar is the case
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


royalty income which benefits even the children of talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
professions
like singing and writing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
other
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people
too are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucky,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
or


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we
can say that stars
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
them. They
accidentally
find hidden treasures
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
or


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
win
Possible spelling mistake found.
tottery
and become
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rich
. Their lifestyle, then,
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makes
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. This
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


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the
power of luck! Without it
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
,
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many
geniuses (scientists,

archaeologists etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
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die
an anonymous death without meeting
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success
even

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after
a
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plenty
of researches.

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Many
rags to
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riches
stories of celebrities like J K Rowling and Oprah Winfrey,

on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us believe in
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success
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. Then, why every

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
talented
person is not
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rich
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
?
Firstly
, not every talented person

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targets
fame and
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riches
. For those who were ambitious
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enough
to aim for it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
but


could not achieve may have failed due to reasons like not getting appropriate

exposure, not
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having
knowledge to market the
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talent
, suffering mass

opposition,
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having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck, missing opportunities, inability to
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use
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current


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technology
and
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so
on.
Thus
,
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talent
needs to club with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
work
and the support of surroundings for real success.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
always stands a chance to kiss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in the form of name, fame

and money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, it is pure luck that brings such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and it

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be short-term as the person will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be forgotten
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes

IELTS essay Material success and fame are often attributed to some talent Do you think it is possible to get name fame and money even if there is no talent v. 2

Essay
  American English
26 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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