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write a letter to the hotel manager where you have recently seen a part-time job openingexplain to him that you would like to apply for this jobexplain your past experiencewrite to him on the preference of days and time available for this job v.1

write a letter to the hotel manager where you have recently seen a part-time job openingexplain to him that you would like to apply for this jobexplain your past experiencewrite to him on the preference of days and time available for this job v. 1
In the era of modernisation, the trend towards owning a business is exponentially popular. Although having the ability to become an entrepreneur, some people are hesitating to start a business due to the problems associated with it. Therefore, they chose to remain in a salaried profession. This essay will elucidate the merits and demerits of working in a company. To embark on, there are two primary reasons why being an employee is beneficial. Firstly, it saves enormous time, as one does not need to indulge himself in all areas of the business. It is a fact that a company is appointed different people to work on a different process. Thus the working duration of an employee is lessened. For example, in many countries, an average labour duration is forty hours a week, and therefore employees could spend their time with family and friends. Besides this, it also ensures regular remuneration as the profit or loss of the firm would not affect them immediately. However, there are considerable drawbacks associated with employee life. It is undeniable that most of the workers' lives have ended without any significant improvement. In this society, a person who achieves financial freedom is considered successful, but remaining as an employee, one cannot achieve their monetary goals. To illustrate, Dhrubai Ambani, a former CEO of Ambani Group, was an aspirant businessman and had worked at a petrol station before initiating his business. Furthermore, job security cannot be assured. During the recession period, several companies make employees redundant and owing to this reason, myriads of the working population is negatively affected. In conclusion, although worker life is more convenient, everyone should make an effort to become an owner. I believe, in the future, more and more youngsters will indulge themselves in the business sector.
In the era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, the trend towards owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
exponentially
popular. Although having the ability to become an entrepreneur,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hesitating to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
due to the problems associated with it.
Therefore
, they chose to remain in a salaried profession. This essay will elucidate the merits and demerits of working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To embark on, there are two primary reasons why being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is beneficial.
Firstly
, it saves enormous time, as one does not need to indulge himself in all areas of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It is a fact that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is appointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
process.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the working duration of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is lessened
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, an average
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
duration is forty hours a week, and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could spend their time with family and friends.
Besides
this, it
also
ensures regular remuneration as the profit or loss of the firm would not affect them immediately.

However
, there are considerable drawbacks associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
life. It is undeniable that most of the workers'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have ended without any significant improvement. In this society, a person who achieves financial freedom
is considered
successful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remaining as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, one cannot achieve their monetary goals. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhrubai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
, a former CEO of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
Group, was an aspirant businessman and had worked at a petrol station
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
initiating his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Furthermore
, job security cannot
be assured
. During the recession period, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
redundant and owing to this reason, myriads of the working population is
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, although worker life is more convenient, everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to become an owner. I believe, in the future, more and more youngsters will indulge themselves in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sector.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay write a letter to the hotel manager where you have recently seen a part-time job openingexplain to him that you would like to apply for this jobexplain your past experiencewrite to him on the preference of days and time available for this job v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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