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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.24

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 24
The majority of people who work do not exercise, which impacts their lives negatively. The main causes of this issue are the poor work-life balance and the fact that many people lead sedentary lifestyles. In order to tacke this problem, several measures must be taken. The lack of exercise is the result of the fast-paced lives that people lead nowadays. During the working day, people have no energy to exercise as they spend their whole day working in their offices and facing a lot of pressure at work. As a consequence, they come home depleted and they want to spend their leisure time relaxing. For instance, people in some countries work for over ten hours, which leaves no room for being active. Another issue is that people are not aware of the importance of exercise as they are used to sitting all day. They are unaware of how a sedentary lifestyle causes severe health problems, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Solving this problem is a shared responsibility between individuals and governments. Individuals should be aware of the benefits of being physically active sine they are responsible for their health. Setting aside time to exercise or stretch everyday is a simple and effective approach. This can be exemplified by people who decide to go to the gym everyday before or after their work. Additionally, authorities should enact laws to limit the maximum working hours since less working hours means people can become happier and more energized. As a result, they are encouraged to take care of themselves by joining gyms, sports clubs, or even exercising at home. In conclusion, although the lack of exercise affects countless people worldwide, effective measures can be taken by both individuals and authorities to eliminate this problem.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, which impacts their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
negatively
. The main causes of this issue are the poor work-life balance and the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead sedentary lifestyles. In order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tacke
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, several measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
.

The lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the result of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead nowadays. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as they spend their whole day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in their offices and facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. As a consequence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
depleted and
they want to spend their leisure time relaxing.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for over ten hours, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no room for being active. Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sitting all day. They are unaware of how a sedentary lifestyle causes severe health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

Solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is a shared responsibility between individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Individuals should be aware of the benefits of being
physically
active sine they are responsible for their health. Setting aside time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
or stretch
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
is a simple and effective approach. This can
be exemplified
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who decide to go to the gym
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Additionally
, authorities should enact laws to limit the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours since less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can become happier and more energized.
As a result
, they
are encouraged
to take care of themselves by joining gyms, sports clubs, or even exercising at home.

In conclusion
, although the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
affects countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide, effective measures can
be taken
by both individuals and authorities to eliminate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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