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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.22

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 22
Exercise has become a very popular concern among people who are facing various health issues, including over-weight and heart diseases. The reason that people are not getting enough exercise nowadays is related to the laziness. However, there are various measures that could be taken to solve this problem. Firstly, exercise maintains a perfect chemical balance within our bodies, which is an essential to live a healthy life. By not doing or ignoring the need of exercise, a human body starts to generate fat that causes health problems. However, the laziness is a major contributing factor in this situation, which people are not taking seriously. The advancements in technology and the emergence of online shopping platforms have made peoples' life easier, but these are the major reasons why they do not want to leave their homes and living their outdoor life by sitting front of a cell phone. They can almost order anything with a click of a button, and it does not require any effort, while the traditional way of shopping needs walking within a supermarket in search of items. Secondly, people should understand that their laziness are causing great damage to their internal body system, which is very fragile in nature. A survey is one way to spread the knowledge related to exercise, so, that people can understand the benefits of exercising regularly as well as disadvantages of not doing it. In addition, local governments should encourage people to get exercise daily by showing advertisements. For instance, there is a well-known rule in Japan in which employees have to do daily exercise under the supervision of a manager. I think this is a very unique and innovative way to maintain peoples' health, and can be followed by other countries. In a nutshell, there is no doubt that exercise plays a crucial role in everyone's life, and it should be taken seriously in order to be healthy. Governments should impose a specific rule about this matter in schools and companies, so, that people are forced to maintain their health with an exception for sick or senior citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular concern among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are facing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, including over-weight and heart diseases. The reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
nowadays
is related
to the laziness.
However
, there are various measures that could
be taken
to solve this problem.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
maintains a perfect chemical balance within our bodies, which is an essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. By not doing or ignoring the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, a human body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to generate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
that causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
However
, the laziness is a major contributing factor in this situation, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not taking
seriously
. The advancements in technology and the emergence of online shopping platforms have made peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are the major reasons why they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes and living their outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by sitting front of a cell phone. They can almost order anything with a click of a button, and it does not require any effort, while the traditional way of shopping needs walking within a supermarket in search of items.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand that their laziness are causing great damage to their internal body system, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fragile in nature. A survey is one way to spread the knowledge related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can understand the benefits of exercising
regularly
as well
as disadvantages of not doing it.
In addition
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
daily by showing advertisements.
For instance
, there is a well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
in Japan in which employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
under the supervision of a manager. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
Consider using "unique".
very unique
and innovative way to maintain peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and can
be followed
by other countries.

In a nutshell, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
plays a crucial role in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and it should
be taken
seriously
in order to be healthy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should impose a specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
about this matter in schools and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
with an exception for sick or senior citizens.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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