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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.15

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 15
EXERCISE IS ESSENTIAL FOR ANY HUMAN BEING ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE DOING A JOB WHICH DOESN'T INVOLVE MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. ALTHOUGH, WORKOUT IS VITAL FOR A PERSON TO STAY HEALTHIER, WORKING PEOPLE IGNORES DUE TO VARIOUS ISSUES. IN THE FIRST PART OF THE ESSAY, I AM GOING TO DISCUSS THE REASONS AND IN THE SECOND PART, I AM GOING TO GIVE A SOLUTION WHICH HELPS TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO EXERCISE OFTEN. NOWADAYS PEOPLE ARE RUNNING TOWARDS LIFE MAINLY BECAUSE OF THEIR WORK CONSTRAINTS. COMPANIES EXPECT THEIR EMPLOYEES TO WORK FOR MORE THAN THE STIPULATED WORKING HOURS. THIS MAKES AN EMPLOYEE TO UNDERGO A STRESSFUL LIFE. ALLOCATING TIME FOR EXPERCISE HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE FOR THEM AND IGNORES IT. THIS LIFESTYLE MAKES THEM UNHEALTHIER AND EFFECTS THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM. FOR EXAMPLE, MY FRIEND WAS WORKING FOR A SUPPORT PROJECT IN A NETWORKING COMPANY FOR ABOUT 15 HOURS A DAY WITHOUT ANY EXCERCISE, WITHIN A YEAR, HE HAD LOST ABOUT 10 KILOGRAM'S OF WEIGHT WHICH MAKES HIM VERY WEAK AND OFTEN STARTED TO FALL SICK DUE TO INFECTIONS AND FLU'S. THIS PROBLEM CAN BE RESOLVED IF A PERSON PURCHASES HIS OWN FITNESS EQUIPMENT IN HIS OR HER'S HOME FOR EASY ACCESSABILITY, CHOOSING AN ALTERNATIVE TO GYM SIMILAR TO MEDITATION OR YOGA. THE ANOTHER WAY IS, IF EVERY OFFICE PROVIDES THEIR EMPLOYEES A GYM SPACE AND OFFERING THEM GIFTS OR COUPONS FOR THE PERSONS WHO SHOWS A DIFFERENCE IN TERMS OF THEIR FITNESS LEVELS. FOR EXAMPLE, EVERY YEAR OUR COMPANY OFFERS A TRIP TO AUSTRALIA FOR ABOUT 100 PERSONS IF THEY REACH 10, 000 FOOT STEPS BECHMARK A DAY FOR ABOUT 6 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS. IN CONCLUSION, EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE ARE SO BUSY DUE TO THEIR WORKING CHALLANGES, THEY CAN ARRANGE A MIMIMAL SETUP IN THEIR HOME FOR EXERCISING AND COMPANIES ALSO SHOULD OFFER THEM COUPONS OR PRIZES WHO STAYS FIT AND HEALTHIER.
EXERCISE IS ESSENTIAL FOR ANY HUMAN BEING
ESPECIALLY
IF THEY ARE DOING A JOB WHICH DOESN'T INVOLVE MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. ALTHOUGH, WORKOUT IS VITAL FOR A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PERSON
TO STAY HEALTHIER,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IGNORES
DUE TO VARIOUS ISSUES. IN THE
FIRST
PART OF THE ESSAY, I AM GOING TO DISCUSS THE REASONS AND IN THE SECOND PART, I AM GOING TO GIVE A SOLUTION WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO EXERCISE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
.

NOWADAYS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE RUNNING TOWARDS LIFE
MAINLY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THEIR WORK CONSTRAINTS.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMPANIES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPECT
THEIR EMPLOYEES TO WORK FOR MORE THAN THE STIPULATED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
HOURS. THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
AN EMPLOYEE TO UNDERGO A STRESSFUL LIFE. ALLOCATING TIME FOR
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXPERCISE
HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE FOR THEM AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IGNORES
IT. THIS LIFESTYLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
THEM UNHEALTHIER AND EFFECTS THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM.
FOR EXAMPLE
, MY FRIEND WAS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
FOR A SUPPORT PROJECT IN A NETWORKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMPANY
FOR ABOUT 15 HOURS A DAY WITHOUT ANY
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXCERCISE
, WITHIN A YEAR, HE HAD LOST ABOUT 10
Incorrect singular possessive form after the number (10). Did you mean "KILOGRAMs" or "KILOGRAMs'"?
KILOGRAM'S
OF WEIGHT WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
HIM
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
WEAK AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
TO FALL SICK DUE TO INFECTIONS AND FLU'S.

THIS PROBLEM CAN
BE RESOLVED
IF A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PERSON
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASES
HIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
FITNESS EQUIPMENT IN HIS OR
Did you mean "HER" or "HERS"?
HER'S
HOME FOR EASY
Possible spelling mistake found.
ACCESSABILITY
, CHOOSING AN ALTERNATIVE TO GYM SIMILAR TO MEDITATION OR YOGA. THE ANOTHER WAY IS, IF EVERY OFFICE PROVIDES THEIR EMPLOYEES A GYM SPACE AND OFFERING THEM GIFTS OR COUPONS FOR THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PERSONS
WHO
Did you mean "show"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'PERSONS' should be used.
SHOWS
A DIFFERENCE IN TERMS OF THEIR FITNESS LEVELS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, EVERY YEAR OUR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMPANY
OFFERS A TRIP TO AUSTRALIA FOR ABOUT 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PERSONS
IF THEY REACH 10, 000 FOOT STEPS
Possible spelling mistake found.
BECHMARK
A DAY FOR ABOUT 6 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS.

IN CONCLUSION
,
EVEN THOUGH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
BUSY DUE TO THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
Possible spelling mistake found.
CHALLANGES
, THEY CAN ARRANGE A
Possible spelling mistake found.
MIMIMAL
SETUP IN THEIR HOME FOR EXERCISING AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COMPANIES
ALSO
SHOULD OFFER THEM COUPONS OR PRIZES WHO
Did you mean "stay"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'PRIZES' should be used.
STAYS
FIT AND HEALTHIER.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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