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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.14

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 14
Physical activity is very important to lead a healthy and balanced life. We have to put efforts in every capacity, to do it regularly, in order to sustain a healthy mind and body. Some people prefer to do a small amount of exercise, to make themselves physically involved in some activity while others pay no attention to it. This essay will provide the reasons that why people don't do physical activity and also highlight the possible measures to overcome this mindset. Firstly, the impact of modern technology is putting emphasis on a man to function like a robot. This pressure is leading to higher stress levels, increasing work pressures, never ending deadlines and more work commitments. These all are reasons which does not let them focus on their well being, whatever the time they have they will dedicate to their office commitments as it is the need of the hour, if they doesn't do according to it, then what will happen to their family. Secondly, sedentary lifestyle is the main reason for no exercise. Whenever the person is free, he spends his time watching his mobile or television or playing games on television, which will surely lead to higher obesity level. For example, according to recent research death rate is increasing rapidly and the obvious reason behind this is surely being over weight. On the other hand, we need to be physically active and healthy to enjoy a work life balance. This will lead towards a happy and prosperous wellbeing, for example, if I take my husband's example, when he comes home from the office all the remaining day he spends going on a recreation centre with us daily and we do exercise daily and have fun with kids. So, what we are doing, we are enforcing a positive style of living a balanced lifestyle and we are teaching our kids that how life is meant to be live. Moreover, it's our moral responsibility to encourage people and to teach them how to enjoy being environment friendly. For this, we have to arrange weekly meetings in our neighbourhood, have get togethers, we have to make people intact. So that we could make the world a better place to live. To conclude, I can say besides being technology friendly we have to take care of ourselves above everything, and if people don't follow the protocols on which God has designed us, then surely we have to face adverse circumstances. So, one can say that being fit is very essential to have a healthy mind and soul, we have to be active and smart to follow our daily routine, this will not only makes us extraordinary fit but also help us to make our planet earth a place full of happiness.
Physical activity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and balanced life. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put efforts in every capacity, to do it
regularly
, in order to sustain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind and body.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to do a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of exercise, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
themselves
physically
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "activities"?
activity
while others pay no attention to it. This essay will provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't do physical activity and
also
highlight the possible measures to overcome this mindset.

Firstly
, the impact of modern technology is putting emphasis on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to function like a robot. This pressure is leading to higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels, increasing work pressures, never ending deadlines and more work commitments. These all are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them focus on their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, whatever the time they have they will dedicate to their office commitments as it is the need of the hour, if they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "don't"
doesn't
do according to it, then what will happen to their family.
Secondly
, sedentary lifestyle is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for no exercise. Whenever the person is free, he spends his time watching his mobile or television or playing games on television, which will
surely
lead to higher obesity level.
For example
, according to recent research death rate is increasing
rapidly
and the obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this is
surely
being over weight.

On the other hand
, we need to be
physically
active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
to enjoy a
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. This will lead towards a happy and prosperous
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
,
for example
, if I take my husband's example, when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
home from the office all the remaining day he spends going on a recreation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
with us
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
daily and
we do exercise daily and have fun with kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what we are doing, we are enforcing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
style of living a balanced
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
we are teaching our kids that how life
is meant
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Moreover
, it's our moral responsibility to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to teach them how to enjoy being environment friendly. For this, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
arrange weekly meetings in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, have
Use past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
togethers
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intact.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

To conclude
, I can say
besides
being technology friendly we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of ourselves above everything, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't follow the protocols on which God has designed us, then
surely
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face adverse circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one can say that
being fit
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind and soul, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be active and smart to follow our daily routine, this will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'will' requires base form of the verb: "make"
makes
us extraordinary fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our planet earth a place full of happiness.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
459 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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