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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 7
It is argued that getting admission in universities are becoming tougher not only for financially poor but also for wealthy students. I, however, presume that economically weak students are facing this reality rather than financially wealthier students. It is because poor students simply cannot fulfil two major selection criteria of the universities and colleges: university fees and outstanding grades. Prohibitively expensive fees that are required for admission have refrained thousands of students away from tertiary education. Based on the report recently issued by the US Department of Home Affairs, 80 percent of students who fail to get admission are from families who lack financial support. Even though governments in different countries have shown some concerns to solve this issue by providing some educational loan, the aggregated cost will be so large in figure that students need almost 30 years period to completely pay back the loan; moreover, the interest rates are ridiculously high. Students are, therefore, opt to find jobs after accomplishing high schools instead of bearing stresses generated from educational loan throughout their lives. Furthermore, requirement of high grades for admission are in fact shattering the students’ dream of pursuing university education, and the matter of fact is that a large majority of such students are from poor family. It is true that most of the outstanding students are produced from those high schools where the fees are extremely expensive as they need a large budget to hire genius educators. Consequently, only wealthier students can only afford it and in turn they pass out with excellent grades who are apt to get admission in universities. In conclusion, it is mostly the poor students who are restricted from the pursuit of higher education since they are unable to cover the ridiculously expensive cost of university fees; meanwhile, they also have low high school grades, as compared to the grades obtained by their wealthier counterparts, which is also very important selection criteria.
It
is argued
that getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are becoming tougher not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I,
however
, presume that
economically
weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are facing this reality
rather
than
financially
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
simply
cannot fulfil two major selection criteria of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and outstanding grades.

Prohibitively
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
that
are required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
have refrained thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
away from tertiary education. Based on the report recently issued by the US Department of Home Affairs, 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
are from families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack financial support.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries have shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns to solve this issue by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational loan, the aggregated cost will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
large in figure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need almost 30 years period to completely pay back the loan;
moreover
, the interest rates are
ridiculously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are,
therefore
, opt to find jobs after accomplishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
schools
instead
of bearing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
generated from educational loan throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Furthermore
, requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
are in fact shattering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
dream of pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education, and the matter of fact is that a large majority of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
family. It is true that most of the outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are produced
from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
schools where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
are
extremely
expensive as they need a large budget to hire genius educators.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
afford it and in turn they pass out with excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are apt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in universities.

In conclusion
, it is
mostly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are restricted
from the pursuit of higher education since they are unable to cover the
ridiculously
expensive cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
; meanwhile, they
also
have low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
, as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
obtained by their wealthier counterparts, which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
selection criteria.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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