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Many jobs that used to be done by humans are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 5
More often machines replace humans to do their jobs. There is no consensus in society is it positive or negative development. Some of them say that robots are better then people, because they are doing work faster and without mistakes. But, on the contrary, it extent to unemployment. So, in my opinion it is a bad trend. So I will try to prove you that with examples of The Goverment of Ukraine report and professor Jan Danilov's research. The first reason why this development bring more disadvantages, is that many workers are losing their jobs because they are replaced by machines. For example, report of Ukrainian Goverment said that more and more jobs that used to be done by humans are now being done by machines. For instance, for the last 5 years the number of workers had decreased by 13 percent. So this is the first reason why i think it is a bad trend. The second example why this is negative development proved by professor Jan Danilov. In his research he studied how people and machines doing the same job and he came to conclusions that pay workers are cheaper then buy machines for it. So this is another reason why replacing humans by technological devices is a bad tendency. In conclusion I think it is a negative development when many jobs that used to be done by humans are now being done by machines. In my opinion it is a negative trend and society should choose people instead robots.
More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. There is no consensus in society is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that robots are
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are doing work faster and without mistakes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
on the contrary
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it extent
to unemployment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I will try to prove you that with examples of The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Goverment
of Ukraine report and professor Jan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Danilov
's research.

The
first
reason why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
bring more disadvantages, is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers are losing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are replaced
by
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machines
.
For example
, report of Ukrainian
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Goverment
said that more and more
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jobs
that
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used
to
be done
by
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humans
are
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now
being done
by
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machines
.
For instance
, for the last 5 years the number of workers had decreased by 13 percent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this is the
first
reason why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend.

The second example why this is
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negative
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development
proved by professor Jan
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Danilov
. In his research he studied how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
doing the same
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
he came to conclusions that pay workers are
Did you mean "cheaper than"?
cheaper then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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machines
for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this is another reason why replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
by technological devices is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
tendency.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
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negative
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development
when
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many
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jobs
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be done
by
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humans
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. In my opinion it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
trend and society should choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
instead
robots.
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IELTS essay Many jobs that used to be done by humans are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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