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Nowadays many people have access ti computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the effects? v.1

Nowadays many people have access ti computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the effects? v. 1
It is undeniable that computers have become one of the most popular inventions of the science. Therefore, these days computer is easily accessible for the majority of people and that is why children are much concerned towards the computer based games. This essay will discuss the negative implications of playing these kind of games, including distraction from studies and persistent health issues. However, there are some possible solutions to overcome the problem to some extent, including the fixation of time for studies and gaming and, involvement in the outdoor games. To begin with, sitting in front of computer in order to play games is a serious concern as it leads towards the various worse situations. The development of children's interest in the video games could ultimately distract them from their studies because they devoted their large amount of their time to playing these kind of games. In addition, health problems are another cause associated with the overuse of computer for games as prolonged sitting could potentially be the reason of sedentary lifestyle among the children and the consequences of this situation are immense. Indeed, one research article suggests that 80% of children are putting on weight since they tend to choose the technology for playing games. As a result, children are totally neglected from their studies and sound health. There are some incredible solutions which could eradicate the above mentioned problems. Firstly, it is the core duty of parents to fix the time for studies and games so that children could opt to study more and spend very little time in front of computer. Apart from that, parents could motivate their children to use computers for studies instead of playing games because there are several studies related material available on the internet. Secondly, as playing games on computers have an adverse effect on children's body so that schools or parents should ought to inculcate the interest of outdoor games among the children, if they will forbid the excessive use of computer games and take part in outdoor games, then they will definitely able to keep themselves fit and healthy. For example, it is seen that taking part in team sports and showing concerned to the studies helps to drag the children from the detrimental habits such as watching technological gadgets excessively. Overall, these measures could mitigate the effects at a large proportion. In conclusion, more and more children are indulging in the habit of playing games by using computers. This essay discussed some negative results that are monitored such as poor health and lack of interest in the studies. Whereas, the solution to the problem are twofold: takes more interest in the studies and outdoor games.
It is undeniable that computers have become one of the most popular inventions of the science.
Therefore
, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
computer is
easily
accessible for the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are much concerned towards the computer based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, including distraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and persistent health issues.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, including the fixation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and gaming and, involvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, sitting in front of computer in order to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is a serious concern as it leads towards the various worse situations. The development of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in the video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could
ultimately
distract them from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they devoted their large amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
In addition
, health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are another cause associated with the overuse of computer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as prolonged sitting could
potentially
be the reason of sedentary lifestyle among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the consequences of this situation are immense.
Indeed
, one research article suggests that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are putting on weight since they tend to choose the technology for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
totally
neglected from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and sound health.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incredible solutions which could eradicate the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, it is the core duty of parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
more and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of computer. Apart from that, parents could motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
related material available on the internet.
Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers have an adverse effect on children's body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that schools or parents should ought to inculcate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if they will forbid the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, then they will definitely able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit and healthy.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that taking part in team sports and showing concerned to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to drag the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the detrimental habits such as watching technological gadgets
excessively
.
Overall
, these measures could mitigate the effects at a large proportion.

In conclusion
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are indulging in the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by using computers. This essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results that
are monitored
such as poor health and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Whereas, the solution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are twofold: takes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access ti computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the effects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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